Mad weekend
(this time last year Sept 27 2004)
Sometimes,i think my life is comparable to those Spanish language telenovelas.
Improbable, absurd and overly emotionally dramatic.
When these "episodes" occur,what i think should be something mundane and typical turns into a generation defining argument and catastrophe. Lol. I guess i can never say my life is boring eh?
I got in a bit late on Saturday night. About 1 a.m. (which previously i would have only started partying :P) and was absolutely exhausted. I had gotten up at 0530 to go to work. Shift was tense with one BID (brought in dead) customer. unfortunately for us big boss was there so we had to bring out the cardiac pump. I mean he collasped an hour prior so it was definitely bloody hard trying to get blood to circulate again. The pump is an eeeevil machine. It acts like a vacuum pump so when you pull it up,you suck in all the blood from the peripheries into the chest cavity ..thus into the heart. We had intubated him,so air exchange was good.What wasn't good was boss man yelling for us to put our back into it.Fucking hell man. I'd only gotten off work at 0100 and had less than 5 hours sleep. I was so fucked. I was compressing the guy's chest so hard that my bracelets cut into my skin.(this happens regularly)
Anyway,i was pretty happy to get off said shift and go shopping!. Dan B (hello surf bro) was in town so we hit a few malls. And managed to catch Police Story with Jackie Chan and super-hottie Daniel Wu. Wu-man is like absolutely hot. I mean,he just gets better looking each year. I think he is my new celebrity crush.Hahaha. We tried this really really good Turkish restaurant over on Asian Heritage Row after the movie. The restaurant's called Saray (palace) .A dinner for two with massive pigging out was damn cheap!.
So this sounds like it's a good weekend so far eh?. Nope. Get back in at 0100h.Realize i've misplaced my handphone. Gran's waiting up,i feel very guilty and apologize because i wanted to call her and tell i was gonna be late...barely slept when gran knocks on my door. She says i need to look at something. So i go to the back and gran's pointing at the loo.
She says "is this blood?"Fucking hell it's a lot of blood. I'm so tired but i'm a bit worried. She doesn't tell you things so i start to ask..how many times?.since when?. Hustle her out of the house and we go to the ER.Dad's like "why don't you go in and see what you can do?". I'm like no.there's no need because i'd only be in the way of the other doctor who's treating my gran.I'm not gonna go disturb him now. Anyhow.since mum was already in i didn't see the point.
Dad was insistent but i said i had to be polite and respect the other doctor doing his job.Then mum calls me in,quel surprise it's my colleague from work doing a locum. i take mum out of the room cos he's gonna examine gran. My pal calls me in,shows me the glove and it's soaked with blood. It's an UGIB and i freak out inside. I'm really worried gran's gonna die. Then,he says that gran needs to go to ICU.I head out to the waiting area as he's gonna put a line in.
I start explaining things when dad starts in on me. He say's "your gran didn't tell you earlier because you're too harsh and not soft enough with older people,u don't know how to respect older people, in fact you even said your mom was a busybody for going in".
I was near tears then so i just said,i said it would be me that's the busybody if i did indeed go in. And he still scolded me in front of well,everyone in the ER. I was unashamedly crying and i just walk out.Walking out is the best feeling in the world.I go home. Pick up the kids.call all the relevant ppl who need to know this-my aunts and uncles.
Deal with all the phone calls. Need to not be upset because dad's being stroppy with me..so i go out and have a nice civilised breakfast with dan in Telawi Street Bistro before work. Drop him off at Midvalley,get to work early and realize..i'm so tired. Chat with my other boss and start the grind again.When i get off work,i'm stuck in freaking downpour..have just enough time to pray and shower before going to the hospital again.It's safe cos mom and dad have left.....
Hmmm,the drama's there, the locales are there,let Nelly Furtado act as me anddd we've got a hit series!
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Under the sea
diving medicine is so cool
Current mood: accomplished
Well hell,i found out i am not to go diving ever.
On the first day of the Military Medicine Conference, i'm lucky enough to attend Dr.Halim's talk on diving med. I figure, HUKM sees a lot of weird cases and Dan C keeps on harping about diving-he's the original waterbabe-that i've got to learn more.
And so i do,learn a lot that is.
Basically, he went over the different ways a diver can get into trouble and why. And let me tell you this is muy risky business dudes. You can have problems with what you breath in, you can get in trouble because of the pressure under water,you can have pre-existing problems like ear infections/asthma/TB act up and ...well die basically.
You can get convulsions and drown. Or,you may get delayed symptoms-and have decompression illness. All very cool stuff to learn.
Dr.Halim was way nice. He downloaded his presentation into my thumb drive and invited me to go to his Diving Med course next year. We may meet up at this travel medicine course we're both attending this weekend. Anyhow,i have resisted all offers to join the army-but they are so persistent!. Must not break down...
hehehe. me?. an army babe?. Shite,i'd be scarier than usual.
Current mood: accomplished
Well hell,i found out i am not to go diving ever.
On the first day of the Military Medicine Conference, i'm lucky enough to attend Dr.Halim's talk on diving med. I figure, HUKM sees a lot of weird cases and Dan C keeps on harping about diving-he's the original waterbabe-that i've got to learn more.
And so i do,learn a lot that is.
Basically, he went over the different ways a diver can get into trouble and why. And let me tell you this is muy risky business dudes. You can have problems with what you breath in, you can get in trouble because of the pressure under water,you can have pre-existing problems like ear infections/asthma/TB act up and ...well die basically.
You can get convulsions and drown. Or,you may get delayed symptoms-and have decompression illness. All very cool stuff to learn.
Dr.Halim was way nice. He downloaded his presentation into my thumb drive and invited me to go to his Diving Med course next year. We may meet up at this travel medicine course we're both attending this weekend. Anyhow,i have resisted all offers to join the army-but they are so persistent!. Must not break down...
hehehe. me?. an army babe?. Shite,i'd be scarier than usual.
So what do you call it?
Haha.
This is actually a response of sorts to dan B's (mad bad Dan) recent msg:to quote You are so fucking complex..and that made me laugh!.
Not the first time to hear that but being unable to sleep as i'm waiting for sick ppl to roll on in..
what makes someone complex?
.is it a good thing or a bad thing to be categorized complex?
what leaps to your mind when you hear that someone's a complex?-do you think they are difficult/deep/devious or just mad?
so lovies let's hear what you've to say.
This is actually a response of sorts to dan B's (mad bad Dan) recent msg:to quote You are so fucking complex..and that made me laugh!.
Not the first time to hear that but being unable to sleep as i'm waiting for sick ppl to roll on in..
what makes someone complex?
.is it a good thing or a bad thing to be categorized complex?
what leaps to your mind when you hear that someone's a complex?-do you think they are difficult/deep/devious or just mad?
so lovies let's hear what you've to say.
Silver elephant?.how whack!
You are Silver Elephant, who gives an impression of being pure and innocent.
You are not pretentious and are very straight forward type of woman.
You tend to lack sweet sensitivity.
Instead you possess strong will power and resolute attitude.
You are a hard worker, and will not depend on others.
You are a person who steadily puts effort.
You think high of rationalism, and hence, lacks softness.
Economically, you are precise and sound.
You will not spend money on impulse.
Although you don't show, you are actually a person with pride, and tend to be upright and little bit short tempered.
You may act more maturely than your age, or more childish at times.
This unbalance tends to be your attraction.
You are very independent sort of person, and will not dare think to rely on men.
You therefore try to take control of things.
You can very well take lead of men, and have a skill of not showing that.
Profit and efficiency is very important to you.
You tend to choose your hobbies on that as well.
Even after you get married, you wouldn't be turned by houseworks, and in fact will carry out it efficiently.
You will take great interest in your children's education, and will turn out to be a good mother and a wife.
You are not pretentious and are very straight forward type of woman.
You tend to lack sweet sensitivity.
Instead you possess strong will power and resolute attitude.
You are a hard worker, and will not depend on others.
You are a person who steadily puts effort.
You think high of rationalism, and hence, lacks softness.
Economically, you are precise and sound.
You will not spend money on impulse.
Although you don't show, you are actually a person with pride, and tend to be upright and little bit short tempered.
You may act more maturely than your age, or more childish at times.
This unbalance tends to be your attraction.
You are very independent sort of person, and will not dare think to rely on men.
You therefore try to take control of things.
You can very well take lead of men, and have a skill of not showing that.
Profit and efficiency is very important to you.
You tend to choose your hobbies on that as well.
Even after you get married, you wouldn't be turned by houseworks, and in fact will carry out it efficiently.
You will take great interest in your children's education, and will turn out to be a good mother and a wife.
LIfe as a Layer Cake
layered cake!
Current mood: contemplative
L A Y E R O N E-
Birthday: january 19 1978--
Birthplace: kuala lumpur --
Current Location: kuala lumpur--
Eye Color: brown!--
Hair Color: black..i wish it was bright blue--
Height: 5" 6-- Righty Or Lefty: right
L A Y E R T W O--
Your Heritage: malay, indian,chinese,portuguese, arabic, indonesian..--
The Shoes You Wore Today: my red skechers--
Your Weakness: my temper--
Your Fears: that'll i won't be able to work in NZ--
Your Perfect Pizza: pesto and mushrooms--
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: travel through the pacific islands
L A Y E R T H R E E--
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: cool--
Your Thoughts First Waking Up: i'm still here?--
Your Best Physical Feature: hehehe.err my eyes-- Y
our Bedtime: 0100--
Your Most Missed Memory: montreal jazz fest-dancing in the streets, hanging out with paul
L A Y E R F O U R--
Pepsi Or Coke: hahaha Coke.--
McDonald's Or Burger King: BK--
Single Or Group Dates: group--
Lipton Ice tea Or Nestea: Lipton--
Chocolate Or Vanilla: chocolate--
Cappuccino Or Coffee: coffeeee
L A Y E R F I V E:
Do You...-- Smoke: nope--
Cuss: fucking hell yes--
Sing: discreetly--
Take A Shower Everyday: 3-4x a day --
Do You Think You've Been In Love: i wish--
Want To Go To College: yes i wanna go back and learn more stuff!!!--
Liked High School: hated it--
Want To Get Married: nope--
Believe In Yourself: yeah.and in God cos he's been pretty good to me.--
Get Motion Sickness: yeah--
Think You're Attractive: rarely--
Think You're A Health Freak: hehehe sometimes--
Get Along With Your Parents: nope--
Like Thunderstorms: love them--
Play An Instrument: nope
L A Y E R S I X:
In The Past Month...-
- Drank Alcohol: no--
Smoked: no--
Done A Drug: no--
Gone On A Date: no--
Gone To The Mall: yes--
Eaten An Entire Box Of Oreos: no--
Eaten Sushi: no--
Been On Stage: yes--
Been Dumped: no--
Gone Skinny Dipping: no--
Stolen Anything: no
L A Y E R S E V E N:
Ever...
-- Been Trashed Or Extremely Intoxicated: no--
Been Called A Tease: yes--
Gotten Beaten Up: no--
Shoplifted: no
L A Y E R E I G H T--
How Do You Want To Die: smiling--
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up: a good person--
What Country Would You Most Like To Visit: japan
L A Y E R N I N E:
In a girl/guy-- Best Eye Color: green--
Best Hair Color: anything goes except ginger....--
Short Or Long Hair: long!--
Height: probably taller than me--
Best Weight: lol.not obese eh.--
Best article of clothing: hehehe no clothes-lah.
L A Y E R T E N--
Number Of Drugs Taken: zero--
Number Of People I Could Trust With My Life: so far,one.--
Number Of CDs That I Own: more than 600--
Number Of Piercings: hehehe originally 10.now i have three.--
Number Of Tattoos: 0--
Number Of Things In My Past That I Regret: not too many
Current mood: contemplative
L A Y E R O N E-
Birthday: january 19 1978--
Birthplace: kuala lumpur --
Current Location: kuala lumpur--
Eye Color: brown!--
Hair Color: black..i wish it was bright blue--
Height: 5" 6-- Righty Or Lefty: right
L A Y E R T W O--
Your Heritage: malay, indian,chinese,portuguese, arabic, indonesian..--
The Shoes You Wore Today: my red skechers--
Your Weakness: my temper--
Your Fears: that'll i won't be able to work in NZ--
Your Perfect Pizza: pesto and mushrooms--
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: travel through the pacific islands
L A Y E R T H R E E--
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: cool--
Your Thoughts First Waking Up: i'm still here?--
Your Best Physical Feature: hehehe.err my eyes-- Y
our Bedtime: 0100--
Your Most Missed Memory: montreal jazz fest-dancing in the streets, hanging out with paul
L A Y E R F O U R--
Pepsi Or Coke: hahaha Coke.--
McDonald's Or Burger King: BK--
Single Or Group Dates: group--
Lipton Ice tea Or Nestea: Lipton--
Chocolate Or Vanilla: chocolate--
Cappuccino Or Coffee: coffeeee
L A Y E R F I V E:
Do You...-- Smoke: nope--
Cuss: fucking hell yes--
Sing: discreetly--
Take A Shower Everyday: 3-4x a day --
Do You Think You've Been In Love: i wish--
Want To Go To College: yes i wanna go back and learn more stuff!!!--
Liked High School: hated it--
Want To Get Married: nope--
Believe In Yourself: yeah.and in God cos he's been pretty good to me.--
Get Motion Sickness: yeah--
Think You're Attractive: rarely--
Think You're A Health Freak: hehehe sometimes--
Get Along With Your Parents: nope--
Like Thunderstorms: love them--
Play An Instrument: nope
L A Y E R S I X:
In The Past Month...-
- Drank Alcohol: no--
Smoked: no--
Done A Drug: no--
Gone On A Date: no--
Gone To The Mall: yes--
Eaten An Entire Box Of Oreos: no--
Eaten Sushi: no--
Been On Stage: yes--
Been Dumped: no--
Gone Skinny Dipping: no--
Stolen Anything: no
L A Y E R S E V E N:
Ever...
-- Been Trashed Or Extremely Intoxicated: no--
Been Called A Tease: yes--
Gotten Beaten Up: no--
Shoplifted: no
L A Y E R E I G H T--
How Do You Want To Die: smiling--
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up: a good person--
What Country Would You Most Like To Visit: japan
L A Y E R N I N E:
In a girl/guy-- Best Eye Color: green--
Best Hair Color: anything goes except ginger....--
Short Or Long Hair: long!--
Height: probably taller than me--
Best Weight: lol.not obese eh.--
Best article of clothing: hehehe no clothes-lah.
L A Y E R T E N--
Number Of Drugs Taken: zero--
Number Of People I Could Trust With My Life: so far,one.--
Number Of CDs That I Own: more than 600--
Number Of Piercings: hehehe originally 10.now i have three.--
Number Of Tattoos: 0--
Number Of Things In My Past That I Regret: not too many
Jon Krakauer's Under The Banner of Heaven Current mood: enthralled
I generally don't bother reading non-fiction because i'm not very intellectual. However,i absolutely love reading Krakauer's writing. He started off with travel type books;the first being a collection of essays called Eiger dreams and then good adventure/extreme sport non-fiction such as Into Thin Air and Into The Wild.Under the banner of heaven actually comes from a LDS ( Church of Latter Day-Saints) scripture.
I found this book amazing because before this i thought the LDS was some benign church group what with the Brigham Young University and it's missionary work. you may also know the LDS followers by another name; Mormons.Krakauer's delves deep into the history of this young religion-it's only 133 years old. It's not an offshoot of Christianity like i erroneously assumed (forgetting that assumptions make an ass out of you).
In fact,it's an entirely made up religion created by a "prophet" William Smith.Why did Krakauer focus on this church?. Basically because of it's violent and bloody past. Which of course gets swept under the rug. Also,he examines why even among Mormons there's so many schisms of faith. How the teachings of this group result in paedophilia, incest, sexual abuse being rampant.My hair stood on end reading how "coloured people" like me are the lowest of the low. And how they are inherently racist. And miscegenation-mixed bloods are against nature. And how if you the mormon Fundamentalist had their way-woman are to be subservient in everything. Polygamy would be the norm. yech.This is an excellent book because Krakauer's trying to highlight that in the wake of 9/11 real terror lies much closer to home than the American public would think. He delves into the Amy Smart kidnapping;perpetrated by a Mormon Fundamentalist who believed he was the one true and strong to unite the mormon church. This man raped Amy Smart and brainwashed her to make her,a mere 13 year old girl,just so she could be his "spiritual wife".
I highly highly recommend this book along with his other books which i enjoyed immensely.
links to get this book:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=KRAKAUER,%2520JON/002-6073612-3302417
Into Thin Airhttp://outside.away.com/outside/destinations/199609/199609_into_thin_air_1.html
I generally don't bother reading non-fiction because i'm not very intellectual. However,i absolutely love reading Krakauer's writing. He started off with travel type books;the first being a collection of essays called Eiger dreams and then good adventure/extreme sport non-fiction such as Into Thin Air and Into The Wild.Under the banner of heaven actually comes from a LDS ( Church of Latter Day-Saints) scripture.
I found this book amazing because before this i thought the LDS was some benign church group what with the Brigham Young University and it's missionary work. you may also know the LDS followers by another name; Mormons.Krakauer's delves deep into the history of this young religion-it's only 133 years old. It's not an offshoot of Christianity like i erroneously assumed (forgetting that assumptions make an ass out of you).
In fact,it's an entirely made up religion created by a "prophet" William Smith.Why did Krakauer focus on this church?. Basically because of it's violent and bloody past. Which of course gets swept under the rug. Also,he examines why even among Mormons there's so many schisms of faith. How the teachings of this group result in paedophilia, incest, sexual abuse being rampant.My hair stood on end reading how "coloured people" like me are the lowest of the low. And how they are inherently racist. And miscegenation-mixed bloods are against nature. And how if you the mormon Fundamentalist had their way-woman are to be subservient in everything. Polygamy would be the norm. yech.This is an excellent book because Krakauer's trying to highlight that in the wake of 9/11 real terror lies much closer to home than the American public would think. He delves into the Amy Smart kidnapping;perpetrated by a Mormon Fundamentalist who believed he was the one true and strong to unite the mormon church. This man raped Amy Smart and brainwashed her to make her,a mere 13 year old girl,just so she could be his "spiritual wife".
I highly highly recommend this book along with his other books which i enjoyed immensely.
links to get this book:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=KRAKAUER,%2520JON/002-6073612-3302417
Into Thin Airhttp://outside.away.com/outside/destinations/199609/199609_into_thin_air_1.html
easy listening
what i've had playing on my CD player (my MP3 can only hold 90 files).
1. the raveonettes
2. ministry of sound's annual 2004- 3Cds 64 tracks by Benny benassi,Moloko, goldfrapp...
3. Ministry of Sound's Chillout volume 5- got this playing a lot!
4. Cafe Del Mar vol 8- not bad not bad at all
5. Faithless- No Roots- absolutely wicked
6. bjork- Medulla7. Marilyn Manson -Lest we forget
8. the Cure - connect the dots
9. the jet-shit i forget their album title!
10. Ben Harper and the Alabama Blind boys- a light will shine
11. Franz Ferdinand- i know it's been on my playlist for more than 6 months..but i love Franz y'hear?.
12. The Hives- Tyrannosaurus Hives- again another oldie;but Love In Plaster is fantastic..i really thought we would work out...
1. the raveonettes
2. ministry of sound's annual 2004- 3Cds 64 tracks by Benny benassi,Moloko, goldfrapp...
3. Ministry of Sound's Chillout volume 5- got this playing a lot!
4. Cafe Del Mar vol 8- not bad not bad at all
5. Faithless- No Roots- absolutely wicked
6. bjork- Medulla7. Marilyn Manson -Lest we forget
8. the Cure - connect the dots
9. the jet-shit i forget their album title!
10. Ben Harper and the Alabama Blind boys- a light will shine
11. Franz Ferdinand- i know it's been on my playlist for more than 6 months..but i love Franz y'hear?.
12. The Hives- Tyrannosaurus Hives- again another oldie;but Love In Plaster is fantastic..i really thought we would work out...
The Irony of being in love with Kevin Collier
I perused my past blogs. I'd just like to see if i've made any positive progress in my life. With my blogs,sometimes i summarized my life into a few months. The highs and the lows.
In my last few blogs, i was giving relationships a good try.
Over the past year,since May 2004, i've been in touch with this lovely, sarcastic, creative,open and understanding man. I was aghast when i started to obsess about him a few months after we started mailing each other. After all,he lives in Orlando. I'm based in KL at the moment. i had wanted to match him up with a mate as personality-wise he'd fit her better.
Then,we started IM-ing. And i called him. He called back. So we did the whole email/IM/calling routine since August/september last year. It's nice to have someone who's clued into what you like,what drives you,what inspires you and how you think.
At some point,without realizing it,i fell in love with him; someone i have never met. Mind you, i'm still falling-in-love a year later and it sucks.
The main problem i think is me. I'm insecure. I think Good Grief,there's all these young pretty girls wanting this person. And they can actually call him up/IM him everyday/hang out iwth him. With my schedule,the most i can do is email everyday. Of course,with his busy schedule: house parties,nights out dancing or taking photos or going to gigs and his job,he hardly does do email well.
From last year, i wanted to move to the states but i told myself,don't. We had a talk about this on Saturday and he said why not i move?. I said no. To be honest,i'm actually scared to uproot myself all the way to the States without knowing if i have a good chance.
To be even more honest,sometimes i feel insecure because this man doesn't care much about anything else outside his "world". Things in his immediate orbit is Music-Photography-his mates-his toys-his work.
I felt even worse when i realize that there's no way he would ever leave Orlando. What would be nice is if he would meet me halfway. Have both of us pick a neutral place like London and see if we work out in real life. I've flung that idea and it's been rejected. After all,he says he has everything he wants in Orlando.
What can i do?. It's going nowhere but how can you just switch off your feelings?. However,are these feelings really real?. God knows.
In my last few blogs, i was giving relationships a good try.
Over the past year,since May 2004, i've been in touch with this lovely, sarcastic, creative,open and understanding man. I was aghast when i started to obsess about him a few months after we started mailing each other. After all,he lives in Orlando. I'm based in KL at the moment. i had wanted to match him up with a mate as personality-wise he'd fit her better.
Then,we started IM-ing. And i called him. He called back. So we did the whole email/IM/calling routine since August/september last year. It's nice to have someone who's clued into what you like,what drives you,what inspires you and how you think.
At some point,without realizing it,i fell in love with him; someone i have never met. Mind you, i'm still falling-in-love a year later and it sucks.
The main problem i think is me. I'm insecure. I think Good Grief,there's all these young pretty girls wanting this person. And they can actually call him up/IM him everyday/hang out iwth him. With my schedule,the most i can do is email everyday. Of course,with his busy schedule: house parties,nights out dancing or taking photos or going to gigs and his job,he hardly does do email well.
From last year, i wanted to move to the states but i told myself,don't. We had a talk about this on Saturday and he said why not i move?. I said no. To be honest,i'm actually scared to uproot myself all the way to the States without knowing if i have a good chance.
To be even more honest,sometimes i feel insecure because this man doesn't care much about anything else outside his "world". Things in his immediate orbit is Music-Photography-his mates-his toys-his work.
I felt even worse when i realize that there's no way he would ever leave Orlando. What would be nice is if he would meet me halfway. Have both of us pick a neutral place like London and see if we work out in real life. I've flung that idea and it's been rejected. After all,he says he has everything he wants in Orlando.
What can i do?. It's going nowhere but how can you just switch off your feelings?. However,are these feelings really real?. God knows.
Perilously Persnickety
can you spell persnickety?
Current mood: amused
Does it even exist?. I love the way it sounds. It's less offensive than picky,choosy or selective. There's a certain charm to it. I believe,my dears, that i am dreadfully persnickety.
Let's see for fun i've tried Speed Dating-20 men and not one i'd like to date. I blamed the selection- mostly of one ethnic group, mostly businessmen or engineers,no one taller than me.So sad. I had a lot of "yes" that i said "no" to. Actually maybe i said Eeeek.
Umm online personals?. Does Myspace count?. hehehe. Anyhow, MSN tried-met Dan-chan who's sarcastic and charming and i'd take him anywhere i go to trawling so he can scare off pervs for me. Alas, dating it is not. All the other guys,what about em?. Mostly all the ads proclaim "what a hot catch i am". Sigh.
Hmmm, Tickle matchmaking-umm so far they've stunk. Every week i receive emails saying "Your matches for this week". Sadly, they don't turn me on at all personality wise.
Now, my girl in KV has been having fantastic luck with Bust.com personals. So i thought why not give it a try?. Ummpph. Hit the match button and it's sorry no matches. It's simultaneously sad and funny. When i go through the ads; most people would just like someone close by. Funnily,all the interesting dudes i've noticed so far all live in NYC.
I guess the only reason i try once in a while is because i'm trying to be more "openminded" about actually putting myself out there. At least when questioned i can actually say;but look here!.I've put in some effort . In reality, i don't think i'm ready to commit to anyone for a very long time. And that's not fair is it?. Nope.
Current mood: amused
Does it even exist?. I love the way it sounds. It's less offensive than picky,choosy or selective. There's a certain charm to it. I believe,my dears, that i am dreadfully persnickety.
Let's see for fun i've tried Speed Dating-20 men and not one i'd like to date. I blamed the selection- mostly of one ethnic group, mostly businessmen or engineers,no one taller than me.So sad. I had a lot of "yes" that i said "no" to. Actually maybe i said Eeeek.
Umm online personals?. Does Myspace count?. hehehe. Anyhow, MSN tried-met Dan-chan who's sarcastic and charming and i'd take him anywhere i go to trawling so he can scare off pervs for me. Alas, dating it is not. All the other guys,what about em?. Mostly all the ads proclaim "what a hot catch i am". Sigh.
Hmmm, Tickle matchmaking-umm so far they've stunk. Every week i receive emails saying "Your matches for this week". Sadly, they don't turn me on at all personality wise.
Now, my girl in KV has been having fantastic luck with Bust.com personals. So i thought why not give it a try?. Ummpph. Hit the match button and it's sorry no matches. It's simultaneously sad and funny. When i go through the ads; most people would just like someone close by. Funnily,all the interesting dudes i've noticed so far all live in NYC.
I guess the only reason i try once in a while is because i'm trying to be more "openminded" about actually putting myself out there. At least when questioned i can actually say;but look here!.I've put in some effort . In reality, i don't think i'm ready to commit to anyone for a very long time. And that's not fair is it?. Nope.
crushed
It's peculiar how i come across as bitter when people talk to me and ask me to open up my mind to being in a relationship. There's not very many people i want to spend time with.
Not that i don't find people interesting;that's not it. What my well meaning friends and relatives mean is actually engaging in maybe a romantic (whatever the fuck that is) relationship.It's just that i'm tired.
Tired of investing time,energy and emotions when there's not enough of me to go around. I'm tired to just give and give and give my time and effort and get stupid answers. I'm tired of never finding a person who'll invest as much in me as i do with anyone i'm particularly interested in. I wish i could just stop bothering.
I think Proust had so many things spot on. He was right when Men only want the unattainable. He was right when he said that they only appreciate a woman when they've not got her. So today,yet another boy has made me cry. And maybe it's time i should be more selfish and realize that he doesn't really give a shit. And that aside from certain friends,some members of my family,no one really does.
Not that i don't find people interesting;that's not it. What my well meaning friends and relatives mean is actually engaging in maybe a romantic (whatever the fuck that is) relationship.It's just that i'm tired.
Tired of investing time,energy and emotions when there's not enough of me to go around. I'm tired to just give and give and give my time and effort and get stupid answers. I'm tired of never finding a person who'll invest as much in me as i do with anyone i'm particularly interested in. I wish i could just stop bothering.
I think Proust had so many things spot on. He was right when Men only want the unattainable. He was right when he said that they only appreciate a woman when they've not got her. So today,yet another boy has made me cry. And maybe it's time i should be more selfish and realize that he doesn't really give a shit. And that aside from certain friends,some members of my family,no one really does.
Mi Vida Sin Mi
I'm a massive fan of Pedro Alomodovar's body of work-double entendre and puns intended. So,whilst perusing through my favourite bootlegger's shop i found this DVD with the words..Pedro and Augustin Almodovar presents: Mi Vida Sin Mi. And i bought it.
Although it's passed off as the "indie terms of Endearment"; please just take it as it is. A quick look at a life not fully lived, a gentle look at dying.
Ann's a young mother barely halfway into her twenties. She lives in in a trailer in her mum's backyard. Her husband Don,is unemployed. She already has two kids at home and works as a cleaner at a university. She faints one day at home and a her doctor tells her she's got less than three months to live.
Sarah Polley was absolutely brilliant in this film. Although as Ann she had a lot to be angry about,she came off as dignified,thoughtful, spirited and strong. This is one actress that just keeps getting better. Scott Speedman does a fairly decent turn as her husband Don. I thought Debbie Harry was a treat to watch as Ann's mom.
There were so many beautiful moments in this movie. The film opens with Ann standing, still and calm, in the pouring rain. She thinks; i never thought i was one those people; the ones who would gaze for hours at the waves or a sunset...And you get sucked in and the film grips you. You've got to know,why wouldn't someone do that?.
Directed by Isobel Coixet and produced by the brothers Almodovar,this film made me laugh and broke my heart at the same time. Go and get it.
For people in the Klang Valley,you can get a copy at this small DVD store in the Telawi stretch,first lane about three doors up from the Jolly Green Giant hawker centre. I've also seen copies at Amcorp Mall-ground floor.
Although it's passed off as the "indie terms of Endearment"; please just take it as it is. A quick look at a life not fully lived, a gentle look at dying.
Ann's a young mother barely halfway into her twenties. She lives in in a trailer in her mum's backyard. Her husband Don,is unemployed. She already has two kids at home and works as a cleaner at a university. She faints one day at home and a her doctor tells her she's got less than three months to live.
Sarah Polley was absolutely brilliant in this film. Although as Ann she had a lot to be angry about,she came off as dignified,thoughtful, spirited and strong. This is one actress that just keeps getting better. Scott Speedman does a fairly decent turn as her husband Don. I thought Debbie Harry was a treat to watch as Ann's mom.
There were so many beautiful moments in this movie. The film opens with Ann standing, still and calm, in the pouring rain. She thinks; i never thought i was one those people; the ones who would gaze for hours at the waves or a sunset...And you get sucked in and the film grips you. You've got to know,why wouldn't someone do that?.
Directed by Isobel Coixet and produced by the brothers Almodovar,this film made me laugh and broke my heart at the same time. Go and get it.
For people in the Klang Valley,you can get a copy at this small DVD store in the Telawi stretch,first lane about three doors up from the Jolly Green Giant hawker centre. I've also seen copies at Amcorp Mall-ground floor.
passing,cruising,not really settling in the moment
passing
Current mood: optimistic
Music:
gus gus Ladyshave,
Saint Etienne,
Outkast-Prototype..yeah baby it's all chillout now
The Strokes:The End Has No End
Faultline-Your Love Means Everything
The Killers-Midnight Show
I feel soo much better now. Whacked some nasi lemak and hey presto;nagging headache has gone away.
Post nights are always blurred around the edges. It was one of the busiest shifts i've done. We had patients coming in non-stop from the time i started until about 5 a.m. I couldn't keep my eyes open out of sheer exhaustion. Between 1-3 a.m. i had the pleasure of having 2 trauma cases roll in.We couldn't save either one. One was a young military recruit. Freak accident,he slipped and fell whilst trying to climb into his apartment. He fell 7 flights,from the ninth floor to the second. The second case was a middle aged man of indeterminate ethnicity who was a hit and run victim. Both i had to call it after the team determined their injuries were too severe. Basically they were both brought in dead and because of their injuries there was no chance of us getting them back.
The last case was a straightforward ACS. I was relieved to get that over with but a druggie shows up trying to get some pethidine (a narcotic painkiller). I didn't want to just dismiss his acting as drug-seeking behaviour since it could just be over-exaggeration of symptoms. The blood investigations all proved me right though and after i explained to him i didn't hand out narcotics he left.
Got home at 9 a.m. and passed out until 3. Sigh. There goes another day.
I am pretty happy though about how my hair has turned out!. It's suuuuper curly-all in little ringlets,wild and dancing. It's fun. I like having it this way,a near afro:P. It just suits my personality better. I may get it coloured next week,we'll have to see. I normally have it done in pretty way out there colours-red, purple or honey highlights. I'd really like blue hair but it's damn hard because all my patients are pretty old and they don't understand a very important fact: Blue coloured hair does not equal poor medical skills.
Surprisingly, a NYC bloke has gotten in touch with me. I don't know if he's just looking for new material for his writing or if he's really interested in just getting to know moi. Writers are rather dangerous. If i were a writer;i would relish in revenge through my writing. I'd like to incite crowds. Create an uproar. Get people off their asses and just Out and About. I'm not a writer but i think that's a wonderful talent to have. For said bloke,my past experiences have made me too careful. More's the pity for him.
I decided to change my photo again as i'm getting rather dodgy men sending me messages. I found out that instead of crying in the car it's better to Sing Out Loud and ignore stares. It's raining all the time and i love it.
Current mood: optimistic
Music:
gus gus Ladyshave,
Saint Etienne,
Outkast-Prototype..yeah baby it's all chillout now
The Strokes:The End Has No End
Faultline-Your Love Means Everything
The Killers-Midnight Show
I feel soo much better now. Whacked some nasi lemak and hey presto;nagging headache has gone away.
Post nights are always blurred around the edges. It was one of the busiest shifts i've done. We had patients coming in non-stop from the time i started until about 5 a.m. I couldn't keep my eyes open out of sheer exhaustion. Between 1-3 a.m. i had the pleasure of having 2 trauma cases roll in.We couldn't save either one. One was a young military recruit. Freak accident,he slipped and fell whilst trying to climb into his apartment. He fell 7 flights,from the ninth floor to the second. The second case was a middle aged man of indeterminate ethnicity who was a hit and run victim. Both i had to call it after the team determined their injuries were too severe. Basically they were both brought in dead and because of their injuries there was no chance of us getting them back.
The last case was a straightforward ACS. I was relieved to get that over with but a druggie shows up trying to get some pethidine (a narcotic painkiller). I didn't want to just dismiss his acting as drug-seeking behaviour since it could just be over-exaggeration of symptoms. The blood investigations all proved me right though and after i explained to him i didn't hand out narcotics he left.
Got home at 9 a.m. and passed out until 3. Sigh. There goes another day.
I am pretty happy though about how my hair has turned out!. It's suuuuper curly-all in little ringlets,wild and dancing. It's fun. I like having it this way,a near afro:P. It just suits my personality better. I may get it coloured next week,we'll have to see. I normally have it done in pretty way out there colours-red, purple or honey highlights. I'd really like blue hair but it's damn hard because all my patients are pretty old and they don't understand a very important fact: Blue coloured hair does not equal poor medical skills.
Surprisingly, a NYC bloke has gotten in touch with me. I don't know if he's just looking for new material for his writing or if he's really interested in just getting to know moi. Writers are rather dangerous. If i were a writer;i would relish in revenge through my writing. I'd like to incite crowds. Create an uproar. Get people off their asses and just Out and About. I'm not a writer but i think that's a wonderful talent to have. For said bloke,my past experiences have made me too careful. More's the pity for him.
I decided to change my photo again as i'm getting rather dodgy men sending me messages. I found out that instead of crying in the car it's better to Sing Out Loud and ignore stares. It's raining all the time and i love it.
More nights like this please
Dec 16 2004
le Cafe Citron,fire hazards and Zouk
Current mood: giddy
Mmm i feel so good after a night out dancing. Met up with Hazlah (who's an orthopedic M.O. at HUKM) and her mates at Cafe Citron. Citron used to be off Persiaran Stonor but closed 5 months ago. It reopened on Eaton Road but in a more hidden location. I swear;i drove by three times before i sussed out where it was.Met up with her best bud Mariyati-who i wouldn't have guessed had an ounce of Malay blood in her.
She had two mates there,Sean and Fendy-also Eurasian looking with her and both working as fitness instructors. The men were surprisingly quiet. Us girls had a blast though. Too bad everyone was smoking like chimneys.fendy got us into Zouk.It was packed!!. Model types and odd suits got in ahead of us.
Basically,if you were a walking skeleton with Eurasian features;you'd get in pronto cos you were probably:
a)a top LOCAL model
b) someone's Sarong Party Girl
c)some VIP/VVIP's kid.
We got in because we were just fabulous darlings.Lol.It was very odd-i had a girl come up to me just to say she liked the way i looked on the dance floor. Mind you,then she added would it be allright hey boyfriend and herslef joined me...riiiight. This actually happens a lot to me:P. PLus there's always these men who come up and smile a big cheesy grin and then start dancing with you. The most memorable dude danced with my friends and i and then gave us napkins to wipe off our sweat. Hey,that's gentlemanly!. hahaha,at least he didn't say:can i lick it off ladies?.Eeek.I miss clubbing!.I don't miss the smoke and pretentious jigglers (girls who can only jiggle their goodies in one spot). More nights like this please:P
le Cafe Citron,fire hazards and Zouk
Current mood: giddy
Mmm i feel so good after a night out dancing. Met up with Hazlah (who's an orthopedic M.O. at HUKM) and her mates at Cafe Citron. Citron used to be off Persiaran Stonor but closed 5 months ago. It reopened on Eaton Road but in a more hidden location. I swear;i drove by three times before i sussed out where it was.Met up with her best bud Mariyati-who i wouldn't have guessed had an ounce of Malay blood in her.
She had two mates there,Sean and Fendy-also Eurasian looking with her and both working as fitness instructors. The men were surprisingly quiet. Us girls had a blast though. Too bad everyone was smoking like chimneys.fendy got us into Zouk.It was packed!!. Model types and odd suits got in ahead of us.
Basically,if you were a walking skeleton with Eurasian features;you'd get in pronto cos you were probably:
a)a top LOCAL model
b) someone's Sarong Party Girl
c)some VIP/VVIP's kid.
We got in because we were just fabulous darlings.Lol.It was very odd-i had a girl come up to me just to say she liked the way i looked on the dance floor. Mind you,then she added would it be allright hey boyfriend and herslef joined me...riiiight. This actually happens a lot to me:P. PLus there's always these men who come up and smile a big cheesy grin and then start dancing with you. The most memorable dude danced with my friends and i and then gave us napkins to wipe off our sweat. Hey,that's gentlemanly!. hahaha,at least he didn't say:can i lick it off ladies?.Eeek.I miss clubbing!.I don't miss the smoke and pretentious jigglers (girls who can only jiggle their goodies in one spot). More nights like this please:P
Post-Aceh thoughts
no PTSD yet Current mood: awake
I just woke up 2 hours ago.
I've been back for 3 days. I haven't had time to readjust or reflect yet. Maybe that's why i'm doing pretty okay mentally.Physically, i'm so wrecked. It's my last night shift tonight and i can't wait to actually get in touch with all my friends. Haha,talk about being a wuss,i didn't have enough energy to call anyone.
Funny,it's easy enough to get into the rhythm of working and talking to colleagues.Much easier than relating to a layperson what i saw and did.
Face it,i hate questions like:were there ghosts?.how many dead bodies did you see?. Then,i just clam up. I wasn't there to be a ghoul. I was there to help the living.Is it still devastating?.Yes. I met so many children who've lost one or both parents.
I've met parents who've become childless and lost their livelihood. I've met engineers who've become drivers. Public servants who become drivers cos their offices are in ruins. A teacher who can't sleep at night because she thinks the tsunami will come back at any time. I keep a record in my head and in my heart so i stay human. I stayed dried eyed in Aceh dealing with my patients;carrying out my responsibility. The only time my team cried,even the guys,was when we read the experiences written down by the children in the girl's orphanage of Babun Najah.Will i go to Aceh again?. I certainly hope so.
I just woke up 2 hours ago.
I've been back for 3 days. I haven't had time to readjust or reflect yet. Maybe that's why i'm doing pretty okay mentally.Physically, i'm so wrecked. It's my last night shift tonight and i can't wait to actually get in touch with all my friends. Haha,talk about being a wuss,i didn't have enough energy to call anyone.
Funny,it's easy enough to get into the rhythm of working and talking to colleagues.Much easier than relating to a layperson what i saw and did.
Face it,i hate questions like:were there ghosts?.how many dead bodies did you see?. Then,i just clam up. I wasn't there to be a ghoul. I was there to help the living.Is it still devastating?.Yes. I met so many children who've lost one or both parents.
I've met parents who've become childless and lost their livelihood. I've met engineers who've become drivers. Public servants who become drivers cos their offices are in ruins. A teacher who can't sleep at night because she thinks the tsunami will come back at any time. I keep a record in my head and in my heart so i stay human. I stayed dried eyed in Aceh dealing with my patients;carrying out my responsibility. The only time my team cried,even the guys,was when we read the experiences written down by the children in the girl's orphanage of Babun Najah.Will i go to Aceh again?. I certainly hope so.
Bitchin'
Well,it's my first night today. I had a weird schedule this past week. I did three nights starting friday last week,had monday to wednesday off and two days on. Now,i'm to do another two nights. However,i rather work at night anyway. I like my days off.
I think i had a rather relaxing time off. For once,no locums. I think i am a bit addicted to work!. I just slept, did errands, saw movies and hung out with my aunt. She's recovering after a knee replacement op.
I got a call 2 days ago from an ex-employer. He had kindly let me rent out a room earlier in June. However, i did not move in as it was filthy. There was smelly water, insects,bird feathers and droppings and dust. Plus,my gran started to get all sorts of aches and problems because she was so worried about me moving out. So,i stayed at grans and at the hospital this past month.
Now,he wants me out but he wanted me to clean out his condo. I text messaged him and said it was absolutely filthy ...but in the end i thought what the hell,let's clean it up. So,i did that today. Well,i hired someone who did a fabulous job cleaning it!.
Tomorrow would be a good day to hang out with Reena and pick up my tickets to the Canadian Grads Annual Dinner. I know Bangsar is so cliche but i like it. I think Hartamas Square on any given night is way more pretentious.
I was a bit peeved last week. A certain friend called up a month ago all excited about her birthday and we made plans and shit. Her birthday comes, i text her and stuff and she doesn't bother to reply. Next thing i know another friend (her "best friend") texts me and says why i didn't hang out on this girl's birthday?. Duh. We're like so old and obviously the answer is i'm not welcomed.
The thing is i am a bit of a workaholic. I like my job a lot. I like going to work. I feel safe there. However,if someone wants me to hang,i will.
Unfortunately, when i do try to call up folks. Usually it's nope, sorry can't hang. I've sort of decided that if i ask 2-3 times and it's still no,i'm not gonna bother asking no more. Might as well go alone. If i don't feel it's safe,i won't go out.
In fact, last Monday i was suppose to drive a friend over to her new place. I was okay with the fact that i wouldn't get to sleep after my night shift. I text-ed the person on Sunday. Turns out she hadn't bothered to tell me that her bf would drive her instead. I guess i kinda lost it at that point. I just feel that there's no point bothering with people if they only need you for certain things/times only. Got new mates,no need for old boring ones. Whatever.
I think i had a rather relaxing time off. For once,no locums. I think i am a bit addicted to work!. I just slept, did errands, saw movies and hung out with my aunt. She's recovering after a knee replacement op.
I got a call 2 days ago from an ex-employer. He had kindly let me rent out a room earlier in June. However, i did not move in as it was filthy. There was smelly water, insects,bird feathers and droppings and dust. Plus,my gran started to get all sorts of aches and problems because she was so worried about me moving out. So,i stayed at grans and at the hospital this past month.
Now,he wants me out but he wanted me to clean out his condo. I text messaged him and said it was absolutely filthy ...but in the end i thought what the hell,let's clean it up. So,i did that today. Well,i hired someone who did a fabulous job cleaning it!.
Tomorrow would be a good day to hang out with Reena and pick up my tickets to the Canadian Grads Annual Dinner. I know Bangsar is so cliche but i like it. I think Hartamas Square on any given night is way more pretentious.
I was a bit peeved last week. A certain friend called up a month ago all excited about her birthday and we made plans and shit. Her birthday comes, i text her and stuff and she doesn't bother to reply. Next thing i know another friend (her "best friend") texts me and says why i didn't hang out on this girl's birthday?. Duh. We're like so old and obviously the answer is i'm not welcomed.
The thing is i am a bit of a workaholic. I like my job a lot. I like going to work. I feel safe there. However,if someone wants me to hang,i will.
Unfortunately, when i do try to call up folks. Usually it's nope, sorry can't hang. I've sort of decided that if i ask 2-3 times and it's still no,i'm not gonna bother asking no more. Might as well go alone. If i don't feel it's safe,i won't go out.
In fact, last Monday i was suppose to drive a friend over to her new place. I was okay with the fact that i wouldn't get to sleep after my night shift. I text-ed the person on Sunday. Turns out she hadn't bothered to tell me that her bf would drive her instead. I guess i kinda lost it at that point. I just feel that there's no point bothering with people if they only need you for certain things/times only. Got new mates,no need for old boring ones. Whatever.
From Kinabalu base camp to summit
it's good to climb when it's dark
No sleep and 8 hours later we all get geared up to climb to the summit. Wheezing as all get out barely 100m up and the guides are saying i can't make it. I tell them to go on ahead as i have to breathe.
Breathing and walking are the only things i can think of at that point. Walk a few metres, breathe,take a puff,climb. I lose purchase a few times. Take a deep breath in and keep on going. 75m to go and my extremites are numb. Bumped into my sister,she tells me to hurry up. I beg her the use of her gloves,she says no. I keep on walking.
This girl comes along and asks me to snap her pic. then,she gives me her gloves. At that point,i realize that i will never ever go climbing with my sister again. For one thing,she just doesn't really give a shit if i die up on Kinabalu. I thinks that's good enough a reason. I make it up to the top. Coming down to base takes me another 2 hours or so. I can barely see,my heart's racing and i just want to lie down. When i reach base,i feel nauseous. I learn that my sister has gone down to Timpohon.
I'm pretty crooked by then. Fell on my stomach and strained my deltoids and biceps trying to stay on. I decide to stay on at base and sleep for the next 10 hours before i make my way down.
Perversely,i think i'd like to do it again.
(why can't i breathe?: i have bad asthma,Had an attack three days before my climb.)
No sleep and 8 hours later we all get geared up to climb to the summit. Wheezing as all get out barely 100m up and the guides are saying i can't make it. I tell them to go on ahead as i have to breathe.
Breathing and walking are the only things i can think of at that point. Walk a few metres, breathe,take a puff,climb. I lose purchase a few times. Take a deep breath in and keep on going. 75m to go and my extremites are numb. Bumped into my sister,she tells me to hurry up. I beg her the use of her gloves,she says no. I keep on walking.
This girl comes along and asks me to snap her pic. then,she gives me her gloves. At that point,i realize that i will never ever go climbing with my sister again. For one thing,she just doesn't really give a shit if i die up on Kinabalu. I thinks that's good enough a reason. I make it up to the top. Coming down to base takes me another 2 hours or so. I can barely see,my heart's racing and i just want to lie down. When i reach base,i feel nauseous. I learn that my sister has gone down to Timpohon.
I'm pretty crooked by then. Fell on my stomach and strained my deltoids and biceps trying to stay on. I decide to stay on at base and sleep for the next 10 hours before i make my way down.
Perversely,i think i'd like to do it again.
(why can't i breathe?: i have bad asthma,Had an attack three days before my climb.)
it's world war three and we don't care
it's world war three and we don't care
Current mood: contemplative
So i woke up from my drug induced sleep to read all about the apprehension of a "terrorist" suspect in Birmingham. Have you ever been there?. I have. It was an unscheduled side trip to visit a friend's future in-law who wasn't doing so well. There's two Birminghams you know.
One side is the typical Brit life. Very quiet. Very Northern England. The Other is really all of us brown people. I felt at home because everywhere i look there was a Halal food store or an Indian market shop. There were loads of South Asians and Malaysians there.
This is world war three because it's basically East vs West. It's sadly Christian/Cath/White/Rich/Developed/right wing/segregationists against the East/the Other/Muslims. The focal point was 9/11 as that gave the US and excuse for hegemony. Get a link between The Taliban-Al Qaeda-Osam;enough reason to go all out in Afghanistan. Falsify and manufacture WMDs,go and invade Iraq. Topple the dictator that was placed by yourselves ages ago. How smart. How classy. How presumptous.
Now, will the English go one better than the Americans?.
Will there be reflection why this happened?.
Why did British born people go and create fear in their own country?.
Bear in mind,England is their homeland. Not the South Asian nations where their parents came from. That only determines their ethnicity not their nationality. Case in point, if ethnicity determined nationality i could claim India/Indonesia/?Iran/Portugal as my homeland since i have mixed blood. But, i identify as malaysian as that's where i was born.
No one really cares that it's World War Three. After all,if we can afford to eat,splash out unnecessarily on clothes and accessories (who really needs more than 1-2 sunglasses?), buy big flashy gas guzzling vehicles and max out our credit cards..why bother with all the nonsense that's going on in the world?.
Current mood: contemplative
So i woke up from my drug induced sleep to read all about the apprehension of a "terrorist" suspect in Birmingham. Have you ever been there?. I have. It was an unscheduled side trip to visit a friend's future in-law who wasn't doing so well. There's two Birminghams you know.
One side is the typical Brit life. Very quiet. Very Northern England. The Other is really all of us brown people. I felt at home because everywhere i look there was a Halal food store or an Indian market shop. There were loads of South Asians and Malaysians there.
This is world war three because it's basically East vs West. It's sadly Christian/Cath/White/Rich/Developed/right wing/segregationists against the East/the Other/Muslims. The focal point was 9/11 as that gave the US and excuse for hegemony. Get a link between The Taliban-Al Qaeda-Osam;enough reason to go all out in Afghanistan. Falsify and manufacture WMDs,go and invade Iraq. Topple the dictator that was placed by yourselves ages ago. How smart. How classy. How presumptous.
Now, will the English go one better than the Americans?.
Will there be reflection why this happened?.
Why did British born people go and create fear in their own country?.
Bear in mind,England is their homeland. Not the South Asian nations where their parents came from. That only determines their ethnicity not their nationality. Case in point, if ethnicity determined nationality i could claim India/Indonesia/?Iran/Portugal as my homeland since i have mixed blood. But, i identify as malaysian as that's where i was born.
No one really cares that it's World War Three. After all,if we can afford to eat,splash out unnecessarily on clothes and accessories (who really needs more than 1-2 sunglasses?), buy big flashy gas guzzling vehicles and max out our credit cards..why bother with all the nonsense that's going on in the world?.
Such a Lame Ass
Not you. The lame ass is my now ex-Travel Buddy.My travel buddy was one of my colleagues. Actually,now that i think about it, why the hell did he want to come along.
I went to see this gig by a band called The Bravery. They are from NYC.
The lame ass person was so annoying. I had booked us the bus tickets, the rooms and got the gig tickets. Since i was busy with a presentation i asked him to book the tickets back to KL cos i had a locum lined up. He didn't do it and he didn't tell me. Arghhhhh.
Plus,being too egotistical he didn't tell me he had no clue how to get to our hostel. After we got lost and wasted an hour roaming around,i had enough. I hailed a cab and we got there in 20 minutes but had sadly lost our booking. Blegh.So,instead of spending some time sightseeing or chilling at a nice cafe we had to trawl around Singapore looking for different bus companies that went to KL.
Of course, since we lost the hostel booking,i just went to the nearest hostel.
My travel buddy wasn't pleased-a hostel?. On top of a bar?. With stinky backpackers?. Good grief man.
The good bit was that it was a great gig. If i closed my eyes,i could just imagine it was Robert Smith on stage instead. It was a rather intimate gig-enclosed open air venue facing the harbour. Mostly underaged kids (half of them looked to be 14 years old once you wiped off the make-up) and then some oldies like me. The oldest was probably the manager of our hostel-who went right up to the front and started moshing as if it was a hardcore show.
I was bloody cranky with all the mess. Especially with my travel buddy's Never Say Can attitude. God forbid,never will i travel with a heterosexual male again unless it's Dan C.
I went to see this gig by a band called The Bravery. They are from NYC.
The lame ass person was so annoying. I had booked us the bus tickets, the rooms and got the gig tickets. Since i was busy with a presentation i asked him to book the tickets back to KL cos i had a locum lined up. He didn't do it and he didn't tell me. Arghhhhh.
Plus,being too egotistical he didn't tell me he had no clue how to get to our hostel. After we got lost and wasted an hour roaming around,i had enough. I hailed a cab and we got there in 20 minutes but had sadly lost our booking. Blegh.So,instead of spending some time sightseeing or chilling at a nice cafe we had to trawl around Singapore looking for different bus companies that went to KL.
Of course, since we lost the hostel booking,i just went to the nearest hostel.
My travel buddy wasn't pleased-a hostel?. On top of a bar?. With stinky backpackers?. Good grief man.
The good bit was that it was a great gig. If i closed my eyes,i could just imagine it was Robert Smith on stage instead. It was a rather intimate gig-enclosed open air venue facing the harbour. Mostly underaged kids (half of them looked to be 14 years old once you wiped off the make-up) and then some oldies like me. The oldest was probably the manager of our hostel-who went right up to the front and started moshing as if it was a hardcore show.
I was bloody cranky with all the mess. Especially with my travel buddy's Never Say Can attitude. God forbid,never will i travel with a heterosexual male again unless it's Dan C.
ON ROTATION
Current mood: busy
I think my playlist has gotten boring these past few weeks. I've been working more than sleeping. I've only finished three books halfway. Domo arigato gozaimas to Zachary for the books!.
My schedule looks like this:
monday: shift 2-9p.m
tuesday:deal with stupid lawyers/bank regarding my new home.
2-9p.m. shift with Lame ass dude,finish off Pain Questionairre for my pilot pain management study.
wednesday: 2-9 p.m. shift. Get stuck with a Heat Stroke case. beyond exhausted once i get home.
thursday:7-2 p.m. shift. CME today,will now have the honour of presenting a case report at a conference in one and a half weeks on...the Heat Stroke case i saw yesterday. An honour for "excellent management" according to my boss.Breathe in. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
thursday:still thursday. go Home. too tired to eat. Take a nap. Get up at 5 p.m. Say hi to gran and it's another 4 hours shift at work from 7p.m. to 11p.m.
Friday:7-2 p.m. shift. Short break before my next shift at 5p.m till 9 p.m. I've to settle the pain survey and also start the outline of the case report. I have the investigation results on hand.
Saturday and Sunday. Locums at Klinik Segara from 1p.m. till 6p.m. both days as my friend Soraya is in Ireland having her class reunion. The 20th!.
And that folks is one of my slightly relaxed weeks.
As is such my playlist is:
Gorillaz Demon Days-everyday.all the time. I dare you not to like Dare-ecstatic!.
The Bravery-eponymous album
Foo Fighters- In your honour disc 2.
Scissor Sisters
Ibrahim Ferrer-Ibrahim Ferrer.He passed away this month. God bless.
Supposedly,i have a date pending sometime this weekend and a girl's night out next Friday. Let's have some fun now people. I need to live vicariously through all of you.
I think my playlist has gotten boring these past few weeks. I've been working more than sleeping. I've only finished three books halfway. Domo arigato gozaimas to Zachary for the books!.
My schedule looks like this:
monday: shift 2-9p.m
tuesday:deal with stupid lawyers/bank regarding my new home.
2-9p.m. shift with Lame ass dude,finish off Pain Questionairre for my pilot pain management study.
wednesday: 2-9 p.m. shift. Get stuck with a Heat Stroke case. beyond exhausted once i get home.
thursday:7-2 p.m. shift. CME today,will now have the honour of presenting a case report at a conference in one and a half weeks on...the Heat Stroke case i saw yesterday. An honour for "excellent management" according to my boss.Breathe in. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
thursday:still thursday. go Home. too tired to eat. Take a nap. Get up at 5 p.m. Say hi to gran and it's another 4 hours shift at work from 7p.m. to 11p.m.
Friday:7-2 p.m. shift. Short break before my next shift at 5p.m till 9 p.m. I've to settle the pain survey and also start the outline of the case report. I have the investigation results on hand.
Saturday and Sunday. Locums at Klinik Segara from 1p.m. till 6p.m. both days as my friend Soraya is in Ireland having her class reunion. The 20th!.
And that folks is one of my slightly relaxed weeks.
As is such my playlist is:
Gorillaz Demon Days-everyday.all the time. I dare you not to like Dare-ecstatic!.
The Bravery-eponymous album
Foo Fighters- In your honour disc 2.
Scissor Sisters
Ibrahim Ferrer-Ibrahim Ferrer.He passed away this month. God bless.
Supposedly,i have a date pending sometime this weekend and a girl's night out next Friday. Let's have some fun now people. I need to live vicariously through all of you.
Stop,look and go.
Survey
1. Last thing that someone gave you?a grand holiday-mucho gracias Dan
2. List five things in your fridge?
1) Orange Juice2) sambal3) Water4) Fruits5) Fruit Punch
3. List five things next to your bed?
1) Books2) pictures3) dresser4) suitcase5) giant felt flower
4. Favorite seasonal smell?jasmines in bloom
5. Least favorite smell?burnt flesh
6. If you could choose how you will die, how would it be?in my sleep
7. Your lucky number?78.
Last person you communicated with?Rashid
9. Any pets, if so what kind?nil
10. Goblins or Hob-Goblins?both?
11. Dietary restrictions?Iodine,pork,alcohol
12. Last time you took the time to enjoy nature?yesterday
13. Favorite obsession?Kevin Collier,books,travel.sleep
14. Least Favorite obsession?hmm......
15. Favorite childhood novel?count of monte cristo
16. Color of your bedroom?yellow
17. Two things you wish you had?at the moment enough money not to worry about it and success
18. Favorite Soda?nil
19. Last movie you watched?The Sea Inside
20. Word, phrase or sentence fragment that best describes you?trapped
21. Cold or hot?hot
22. Bath or shower?bath
23. What do you miss about being a child?simple pleasures
24. Beta, VHS, DVD?dvd
25. Insanity or sanity?insanity.
26. List 5 things on your coffee table?1) magazines2) books3) crayons4) jewellery5) bills
27. List 5 things in your shower?1) shampoo2) massage brush3) razor4) facewash5) floss
28. Silence, TV on, or stereo playing while you sleep?silence.
29. If you could be anything, what would you choose to be?happy and succesful
30. Most refreshing feeling?accomplishing a goal
31. Favorite moment in life so far?being in prague
32. Last five albums you listened to?1) DM-singles2) Interpol - Turn on the bright lights3) Gwen Stefani-L.A.M.B4) Mozart selections5) Tori Amos-A librarian's tale
33. Last person you hugged?dan
34. Last thing you ingested?milo3
5. Favorite piece of furniture in your house/apartment?Bed
36. Best weather to walk or ride your bike in?partly cloudy with a breeze.
37. Dream Car?volkswagon beetle
38. The woods, the desert, the prairie, the mountains, the beach?All depending in mood
39. Most pronounced habit?pushng up my glasses,hugging myself when insecure
40. First memory?being punished by mom and dad
41. Phobias?parents
42. Favorite childhood movie?The little mermaid
43. Favorite tall tale, fairy lore, or folk lore?The little Prince
44. Puddle hopping, or playing in snow banks?puddle hopping
45. Cursive or print?print
46. Letter/post card or email?letter/post card
47. Family or friends first?family
48. Favorite short story?The sisters
49. Person you wish you saw more?friends in general
50. Song that best describes your mood right now?lost cause-beck
1. Last thing that someone gave you?a grand holiday-mucho gracias Dan
2. List five things in your fridge?
1) Orange Juice2) sambal3) Water4) Fruits5) Fruit Punch
3. List five things next to your bed?
1) Books2) pictures3) dresser4) suitcase5) giant felt flower
4. Favorite seasonal smell?jasmines in bloom
5. Least favorite smell?burnt flesh
6. If you could choose how you will die, how would it be?in my sleep
7. Your lucky number?78.
Last person you communicated with?Rashid
9. Any pets, if so what kind?nil
10. Goblins or Hob-Goblins?both?
11. Dietary restrictions?Iodine,pork,alcohol
12. Last time you took the time to enjoy nature?yesterday
13. Favorite obsession?Kevin Collier,books,travel.sleep
14. Least Favorite obsession?hmm......
15. Favorite childhood novel?count of monte cristo
16. Color of your bedroom?yellow
17. Two things you wish you had?at the moment enough money not to worry about it and success
18. Favorite Soda?nil
19. Last movie you watched?The Sea Inside
20. Word, phrase or sentence fragment that best describes you?trapped
21. Cold or hot?hot
22. Bath or shower?bath
23. What do you miss about being a child?simple pleasures
24. Beta, VHS, DVD?dvd
25. Insanity or sanity?insanity.
26. List 5 things on your coffee table?1) magazines2) books3) crayons4) jewellery5) bills
27. List 5 things in your shower?1) shampoo2) massage brush3) razor4) facewash5) floss
28. Silence, TV on, or stereo playing while you sleep?silence.
29. If you could be anything, what would you choose to be?happy and succesful
30. Most refreshing feeling?accomplishing a goal
31. Favorite moment in life so far?being in prague
32. Last five albums you listened to?1) DM-singles2) Interpol - Turn on the bright lights3) Gwen Stefani-L.A.M.B4) Mozart selections5) Tori Amos-A librarian's tale
33. Last person you hugged?dan
34. Last thing you ingested?milo3
5. Favorite piece of furniture in your house/apartment?Bed
36. Best weather to walk or ride your bike in?partly cloudy with a breeze.
37. Dream Car?volkswagon beetle
38. The woods, the desert, the prairie, the mountains, the beach?All depending in mood
39. Most pronounced habit?pushng up my glasses,hugging myself when insecure
40. First memory?being punished by mom and dad
41. Phobias?parents
42. Favorite childhood movie?The little mermaid
43. Favorite tall tale, fairy lore, or folk lore?The little Prince
44. Puddle hopping, or playing in snow banks?puddle hopping
45. Cursive or print?print
46. Letter/post card or email?letter/post card
47. Family or friends first?family
48. Favorite short story?The sisters
49. Person you wish you saw more?friends in general
50. Song that best describes your mood right now?lost cause-beck
getting Lean for Life
Lean for Life
I'm sitting here with a pedometer strapped to my waist,waiting for my next patient to arrive. It's day 10 of my Lean for Life program. Basically, OCD-semi perfectionist that i am,i finally decided i had to have some control over my weight.
OKay,so i'm not fat. I've been curvy since high school-the twig with hips and a bust. Unfortunately,i've also got shoulders as broad as any swimmer and meannness to boot. It's time to downsize a few dress sizes and eat for health now.Seriously, before this,i thought i ate pretty well.
However, once you are back in Malaysia you don't have much control over what goes in your mouth. It's so easy to get fast food anywhere,anytime. In fact,if you are a doctor it's so easy to fall into the whole convenience diet thing. Convenient foods are fast foods and you so conveniently get fat/an MI/hypertension.Today wasn't too bad. I sort of like making my own breakfast. It's easy to whip up egg-white only scrambled eggs, slice fresh tomatoes and have some yogurt for brekkie. A snack will be a green apple and some milk. In between i'm supposed to sip through 1L of water.I usually add my daily high dose Vit C to it. Lunch will be veggies and a piece of fish. I may have tuna/salmon with a piece of whole wheat bread later. Do some weights, get on the bike.Dinner is something light.more veggies and fish. In fact,on this program you can have supper too but i'm usually happy with a yogurt and water before bed.At the end of the day, techinically i'm supposed to have walked 10,000 steps. My pedometer cost me RM61. That's pretty decent since i can walk anywhere throughout the day. If i don't do enough,i can just go for a walk around the block.I'm pretty psyched. Maybe i won't lose that much weight. What matters is that i'm eating healthily and getting fit.
I'm sitting here with a pedometer strapped to my waist,waiting for my next patient to arrive. It's day 10 of my Lean for Life program. Basically, OCD-semi perfectionist that i am,i finally decided i had to have some control over my weight.
OKay,so i'm not fat. I've been curvy since high school-the twig with hips and a bust. Unfortunately,i've also got shoulders as broad as any swimmer and meannness to boot. It's time to downsize a few dress sizes and eat for health now.Seriously, before this,i thought i ate pretty well.
However, once you are back in Malaysia you don't have much control over what goes in your mouth. It's so easy to get fast food anywhere,anytime. In fact,if you are a doctor it's so easy to fall into the whole convenience diet thing. Convenient foods are fast foods and you so conveniently get fat/an MI/hypertension.Today wasn't too bad. I sort of like making my own breakfast. It's easy to whip up egg-white only scrambled eggs, slice fresh tomatoes and have some yogurt for brekkie. A snack will be a green apple and some milk. In between i'm supposed to sip through 1L of water.I usually add my daily high dose Vit C to it. Lunch will be veggies and a piece of fish. I may have tuna/salmon with a piece of whole wheat bread later. Do some weights, get on the bike.Dinner is something light.more veggies and fish. In fact,on this program you can have supper too but i'm usually happy with a yogurt and water before bed.At the end of the day, techinically i'm supposed to have walked 10,000 steps. My pedometer cost me RM61. That's pretty decent since i can walk anywhere throughout the day. If i don't do enough,i can just go for a walk around the block.I'm pretty psyched. Maybe i won't lose that much weight. What matters is that i'm eating healthily and getting fit.
Gods,i'll admit it here. I'm a terrible procrastinator.Let's face it,eventhough i will square off with any jerk who pisses me off;if possible i would try to avoid doing so...I really don't like confrontations.
Of course,if me mum reads this she may say "Ha!". As in sheer disbelief. But,it's actually quite true.For example,i've put off "discussing" with my bosses why i'd rather die/do orthopedics/do 3 months of BTS rather than do Cardiology. I mean it's electrical hence i like it. However, the team in HUKM are fucking twats. I'd rather collapse by the roadside and have a DNR order rather than have them take care of me. I hate each and everyone of those smarmy, arrogant, short bastards in Cardiology. I despise their know-it-all attitude and general condescension towards the Emergency department staff. Fact is,if i could make sure they all get the Marburg virus i would definitely do it. Twats.
It's with this reason that i actually feel chest pain when i think i have to do Cardiology. Of course, gotta be professional so i've to make up a somewhat reasonable excuse to the bosses. They like seeing me all fired up-it's amusing and they like to see me put down assholes from other departments. In fact, they enjoy seeing me verbally maim whatever jerk that pisses me off. Then, they'll get on the line and join in the fun. I digress.
I've got a mate who's keen on doing Cardiology-thank god. Hopefully,i can put an altruistic spin on it...
Today was a good day. Met one of my cousins from Oz. Haven't met this chap in maybe 20 years?. Wouldn't recognize him if i had passed him in the streets. He looks so Gwailo it ain't funny. Seems an allright chappie though not as weedy as when he was younger. Wonder how my cuz Jane looks like now?. And Richard?. The only mental picture i have is him as a really cute lil kid. S'cool having cousins so different than you are.Even better is.....i walked 12000 steps.Yay!.
Of course,if me mum reads this she may say "Ha!". As in sheer disbelief. But,it's actually quite true.For example,i've put off "discussing" with my bosses why i'd rather die/do orthopedics/do 3 months of BTS rather than do Cardiology. I mean it's electrical hence i like it. However, the team in HUKM are fucking twats. I'd rather collapse by the roadside and have a DNR order rather than have them take care of me. I hate each and everyone of those smarmy, arrogant, short bastards in Cardiology. I despise their know-it-all attitude and general condescension towards the Emergency department staff. Fact is,if i could make sure they all get the Marburg virus i would definitely do it. Twats.
It's with this reason that i actually feel chest pain when i think i have to do Cardiology. Of course, gotta be professional so i've to make up a somewhat reasonable excuse to the bosses. They like seeing me all fired up-it's amusing and they like to see me put down assholes from other departments. In fact, they enjoy seeing me verbally maim whatever jerk that pisses me off. Then, they'll get on the line and join in the fun. I digress.
I've got a mate who's keen on doing Cardiology-thank god. Hopefully,i can put an altruistic spin on it...
Today was a good day. Met one of my cousins from Oz. Haven't met this chap in maybe 20 years?. Wouldn't recognize him if i had passed him in the streets. He looks so Gwailo it ain't funny. Seems an allright chappie though not as weedy as when he was younger. Wonder how my cuz Jane looks like now?. And Richard?. The only mental picture i have is him as a really cute lil kid. S'cool having cousins so different than you are.Even better is.....i walked 12000 steps.Yay!.
May 14 2005
This was Stress.
stress
i'm sitting in a dingy cybercafe with folks going "wah-lauuu" and prepubescent chinese males staring into comp screens. They are maiming,shooting up guns and kicking their way to victory online. I am just tired and hungry.
On Saturday morning i woke up a bit bleary eyed because i had stayed up too late reading. Had a shower, went down to the car to grab my clothes. I was in my jammies. They are of course ugly as hell because they aren't mine (sorry Aiza but that's the truth). My parents looked a bit tense that morning so i was glad i could say i was going to work. It was already 825 and i had a locum at 915. Went back into the house to change. Dad is now severely peeved. Mum has actually put distance between herself and dad and is now sitting far away on the sofa.
He says "Sit. I want to talk to you".In my mildest voice (which is hard b'cos it's realllly early): Sorry daddy but i've to get ready for work.When i come down he is absolutely bloody pissed off. He says" i thought i told you to change. When are you ever going to change?. WHy did you go out of the house wearing your pyjamas? Have you no maruah? (loosely translated dignity).I admit the jammies were ugly. No,i just went to grab my clothes. I had changed into looooose baggy unflattering drawstring pants and a long sleeved shirt. You know,because if i look real nice they may think i'm off "being a slut" as they say rather than working.He then starts into a rant. Says i have no maruah/dignity as i go back and forth and come home wearing my scrub tops.
Imbecile that i am,i say well that's just a uniform. Everyone wears scrub tops/scrubs. This pisses him off more.
I say " there's no need to get angry over this. Be reasonable"
He says " shut up. sit down when you are talking to me. Since when did i teach you to talk back (melawan).
"I say "look i'm not. But i don't see what the big deal is. I can't believe you are rowing into me just because of this".
He says " don't you talk back to me while walking away. Do you want me to slap you?." at this point he is severely agitated.
He gets up but makes himself sit down again. I can see sometime this week my dad has lost some front teeth. I think he sat down because he was feeling weak. And he looks shrivelled up and small. And actually my heart has gone cold and shrivelled up as his face has.I go over to him. I bend down and kiss his fingers. I go to my mum. I clasp her hands in a salam. And i say goodbye mum.goodbye Dad.All throughout the day and night and while i was working i keep getting these text messages from mum. Initially they are contrite. Then,she resorts to emotional blackmail-if you love me you'll come home tonight if not i'll get it even worse........or I think children should beg forgiveness from their parents first......or come home if not it will get worse.At this point instead of going home,i decide enough crap is enough. I don't see the point going home to get yelled at or slapped or hit or having a knife pointed at me. I heard from a friend that they were looking for me at the hospital. It's too bad. It's the one place i would have felt safe. It's the one place i know i won't be abused mentally, emotionally,psychologically. Physically i am not going to hold myself responsible for defending myself.I have no place to stay. So my question is this: In my position,what would you do?.
stress
i'm sitting in a dingy cybercafe with folks going "wah-lauuu" and prepubescent chinese males staring into comp screens. They are maiming,shooting up guns and kicking their way to victory online. I am just tired and hungry.
On Saturday morning i woke up a bit bleary eyed because i had stayed up too late reading. Had a shower, went down to the car to grab my clothes. I was in my jammies. They are of course ugly as hell because they aren't mine (sorry Aiza but that's the truth). My parents looked a bit tense that morning so i was glad i could say i was going to work. It was already 825 and i had a locum at 915. Went back into the house to change. Dad is now severely peeved. Mum has actually put distance between herself and dad and is now sitting far away on the sofa.
He says "Sit. I want to talk to you".In my mildest voice (which is hard b'cos it's realllly early): Sorry daddy but i've to get ready for work.When i come down he is absolutely bloody pissed off. He says" i thought i told you to change. When are you ever going to change?. WHy did you go out of the house wearing your pyjamas? Have you no maruah? (loosely translated dignity).I admit the jammies were ugly. No,i just went to grab my clothes. I had changed into looooose baggy unflattering drawstring pants and a long sleeved shirt. You know,because if i look real nice they may think i'm off "being a slut" as they say rather than working.He then starts into a rant. Says i have no maruah/dignity as i go back and forth and come home wearing my scrub tops.
Imbecile that i am,i say well that's just a uniform. Everyone wears scrub tops/scrubs. This pisses him off more.
I say " there's no need to get angry over this. Be reasonable"
He says " shut up. sit down when you are talking to me. Since when did i teach you to talk back (melawan).
"I say "look i'm not. But i don't see what the big deal is. I can't believe you are rowing into me just because of this".
He says " don't you talk back to me while walking away. Do you want me to slap you?." at this point he is severely agitated.
He gets up but makes himself sit down again. I can see sometime this week my dad has lost some front teeth. I think he sat down because he was feeling weak. And he looks shrivelled up and small. And actually my heart has gone cold and shrivelled up as his face has.I go over to him. I bend down and kiss his fingers. I go to my mum. I clasp her hands in a salam. And i say goodbye mum.goodbye Dad.All throughout the day and night and while i was working i keep getting these text messages from mum. Initially they are contrite. Then,she resorts to emotional blackmail-if you love me you'll come home tonight if not i'll get it even worse........or I think children should beg forgiveness from their parents first......or come home if not it will get worse.At this point instead of going home,i decide enough crap is enough. I don't see the point going home to get yelled at or slapped or hit or having a knife pointed at me. I heard from a friend that they were looking for me at the hospital. It's too bad. It's the one place i would have felt safe. It's the one place i know i won't be abused mentally, emotionally,psychologically. Physically i am not going to hold myself responsible for defending myself.I have no place to stay. So my question is this: In my position,what would you do?.
Sleeping Around
sleeping around
Nacht. i had to have a provoking subject title!.The best part of being on night shifts is that i don't have to worry where to sleep at night. The bad part is,like a vampire, i have to figure out where to hide during the day. Sometimes i sleep in the hospital.Sometimes at a friend's place.
Tomorrow,who knows?. One of my med students kindly gave me a spare key to her room in the event that i don't have anywhere to sleep. If i was in Canada,i'd sleep in my car. In fact it was okay-i did it when i went to Montreal for the Jazz Fest. In malaysia,it's fucking warm and freaking mozzies eat you alive. PLus, most people are freaking busybodies and will think nothing of trying to arrest you for suspicious behaviour. This is true.In fact,one of the most stupidest things was when i was stopped on the highway recently. Why?. Cos i was a female travelling alone. My road tax-legit. Hospital ID right in your face. IC-legit. But he still wanted my driver's license. The cop was like-where are you heading,so i say KL. Then i say i work there and was visiting a friend in these parts. I get bored with the whole situation, gesture to my white coat, ER uniform and hospital ID and say-what's the problem then?. He lets me go.What is it with these lame males?. Hello, it's 2005, since i have an education,work fairly hard-harder than most guys anyway, i have a decent life. Of course,i'm temporarily homeless but that shall be rectified.
WHy is it weird for me to travel alone?. I hate having to look over my shoulder to see if anyone's following. I hate being scared that people will just show up and harrass me at work. It's not right. It's tiring. It's demeaning. If i was a cop i'd stop single Malay males who look around 20-30 esp in the east coast. Why?. A lot of those young dudes are heavily into drugs. Fact is, in small port towns along the east coast the main group affected by HIV/AIDS are hetero malay males who work as fishermen. A buddy who works there commented on this phenomenon. You get a lot of transmission from these guys to their wives/mistresses/etc...Gee,and the east coast folks are supposed to be so pious.
Nacht. i had to have a provoking subject title!.The best part of being on night shifts is that i don't have to worry where to sleep at night. The bad part is,like a vampire, i have to figure out where to hide during the day. Sometimes i sleep in the hospital.Sometimes at a friend's place.
Tomorrow,who knows?. One of my med students kindly gave me a spare key to her room in the event that i don't have anywhere to sleep. If i was in Canada,i'd sleep in my car. In fact it was okay-i did it when i went to Montreal for the Jazz Fest. In malaysia,it's fucking warm and freaking mozzies eat you alive. PLus, most people are freaking busybodies and will think nothing of trying to arrest you for suspicious behaviour. This is true.In fact,one of the most stupidest things was when i was stopped on the highway recently. Why?. Cos i was a female travelling alone. My road tax-legit. Hospital ID right in your face. IC-legit. But he still wanted my driver's license. The cop was like-where are you heading,so i say KL. Then i say i work there and was visiting a friend in these parts. I get bored with the whole situation, gesture to my white coat, ER uniform and hospital ID and say-what's the problem then?. He lets me go.What is it with these lame males?. Hello, it's 2005, since i have an education,work fairly hard-harder than most guys anyway, i have a decent life. Of course,i'm temporarily homeless but that shall be rectified.
WHy is it weird for me to travel alone?. I hate having to look over my shoulder to see if anyone's following. I hate being scared that people will just show up and harrass me at work. It's not right. It's tiring. It's demeaning. If i was a cop i'd stop single Malay males who look around 20-30 esp in the east coast. Why?. A lot of those young dudes are heavily into drugs. Fact is, in small port towns along the east coast the main group affected by HIV/AIDS are hetero malay males who work as fishermen. A buddy who works there commented on this phenomenon. You get a lot of transmission from these guys to their wives/mistresses/etc...Gee,and the east coast folks are supposed to be so pious.
Pedro Almodovar's Bad Education
Disturbing. I'm surprised conservatives, Christian militants and the Catholic church didn't ban Bad Education. It's a very unpleasant potrayal of pedophilia and it's ramifications. It was a murder mystery and love story as well. i liked it. I adored Gael garcia Bernal's performance. After seeing him in The Motorcycle Diaries and then in this film,i think he's an amazing actor.
I've had to make time and force myself to sit down and relax. I've been seeing lots of films on DVD. House of Fury was pretty cool despite the cheesy acting by Twins-Charlene Choi and Gillian Chung. the script was laugh out loud funny. Fight choreography by Yuen Wo-Ping was brill. he's the same guy who did the action sequences for Crouching Tiger. What can i say.i know Stephen Fung is not cute but i've such a crush on him after thsi film!.
Another funny and oh-my-god i can't believe they said that film is Saved!. At first,i was repelled as it had teen star Mandy Moore. Now,i have to admit she can act. Great for an evening in with your dude.
I'm doing a locum,bit of a headache now. I rushed over after going to yet another wedding. An old colleague at Klang was getting married. Once i got there,sussed out the Klang table and was very happy to catch up with all my mates. Now,i have another wedding invite in 2 weeks and another invite for November. What is this wedding epidemic?.
Another mate is moving to Labuan next week. Hopefully,when i go to Sabah i can squeeze in a short trip!.
I've had to make time and force myself to sit down and relax. I've been seeing lots of films on DVD. House of Fury was pretty cool despite the cheesy acting by Twins-Charlene Choi and Gillian Chung. the script was laugh out loud funny. Fight choreography by Yuen Wo-Ping was brill. he's the same guy who did the action sequences for Crouching Tiger. What can i say.i know Stephen Fung is not cute but i've such a crush on him after thsi film!.
Another funny and oh-my-god i can't believe they said that film is Saved!. At first,i was repelled as it had teen star Mandy Moore. Now,i have to admit she can act. Great for an evening in with your dude.
I'm doing a locum,bit of a headache now. I rushed over after going to yet another wedding. An old colleague at Klang was getting married. Once i got there,sussed out the Klang table and was very happy to catch up with all my mates. Now,i have another wedding invite in 2 weeks and another invite for November. What is this wedding epidemic?.
Another mate is moving to Labuan next week. Hopefully,when i go to Sabah i can squeeze in a short trip!.
Quesas,quesas,quesas
confused Current mood: confused
It's exactly 6 months past my birthday. At that time, i was down in the dumps-again, waiting to go to a disaster zone, hopeful i would be able to get a job abroad and working flat out.
Now, i'm somewhat happier-i left home, i lost the job in NZ and still working flat out.
In about three months, i'd have completed my 3 years compulsory service. I have had many good offers/opportunities presenting themselves. The problem is what i want and what is good for me are mutually exclusive.
Okay, so i have these options:
1. Quit ER, join up the Segara Clinics branch and have my own clinic in Shah Alam. estimated pay: around 6-7K/month. After 18 months, about 9-11K and i become a partner.
2. Quit ER, go to NZ and get my full NZ reg. Get a job there on contract basis. The pay starts at NZD 77K onwards not including OT and tax relief. That's about RM217K/year.
3. Quit ER,go back to Aceh and find a volunteer job. If it's with the UN may get anything from Sterling1K.
4. Quit ER,join Family practice masters-sent to Oz. Problem is, the head of dept is hard to find. 2nd,still attached to HUKM.
5. Stay in ER and become an ER specialist -my boss sat me down and said he didn't think i should become a GP. He said it would be a waste of my capabilities if i "just" become a GP. He thinks i'd be a good ER specialist. The downside-have to be trained and stay in HUKM and in Malaysia.
6. Quit ER and join KUIM/UITM. Not very keen on being tied down to any Malaysian institution.
7. Take a monster loan and go do my Masters in England. Earn no moolah. Not a practical thing to do.
I'm confused. I hate staying here. If i say fuck it all,who's gonna help pay for my siblings?.
There's another option:
8. i do say fuck it all and apply to work with MSF. Hopefully i'll be dropped in Iraq.
What's a girl gotta do?. I'm single and i feel chained,trapped and defeated by responsibility. which is ironic because i'm the Bad Daughter,the Ungrateful and Arrogant one.
It's exactly 6 months past my birthday. At that time, i was down in the dumps-again, waiting to go to a disaster zone, hopeful i would be able to get a job abroad and working flat out.
Now, i'm somewhat happier-i left home, i lost the job in NZ and still working flat out.
In about three months, i'd have completed my 3 years compulsory service. I have had many good offers/opportunities presenting themselves. The problem is what i want and what is good for me are mutually exclusive.
Okay, so i have these options:
1. Quit ER, join up the Segara Clinics branch and have my own clinic in Shah Alam. estimated pay: around 6-7K/month. After 18 months, about 9-11K and i become a partner.
2. Quit ER, go to NZ and get my full NZ reg. Get a job there on contract basis. The pay starts at NZD 77K onwards not including OT and tax relief. That's about RM217K/year.
3. Quit ER,go back to Aceh and find a volunteer job. If it's with the UN may get anything from Sterling1K.
4. Quit ER,join Family practice masters-sent to Oz. Problem is, the head of dept is hard to find. 2nd,still attached to HUKM.
5. Stay in ER and become an ER specialist -my boss sat me down and said he didn't think i should become a GP. He said it would be a waste of my capabilities if i "just" become a GP. He thinks i'd be a good ER specialist. The downside-have to be trained and stay in HUKM and in Malaysia.
6. Quit ER and join KUIM/UITM. Not very keen on being tied down to any Malaysian institution.
7. Take a monster loan and go do my Masters in England. Earn no moolah. Not a practical thing to do.
I'm confused. I hate staying here. If i say fuck it all,who's gonna help pay for my siblings?.
There's another option:
8. i do say fuck it all and apply to work with MSF. Hopefully i'll be dropped in Iraq.
What's a girl gotta do?. I'm single and i feel chained,trapped and defeated by responsibility. which is ironic because i'm the Bad Daughter,the Ungrateful and Arrogant one.
Being a spunkeymonkey is hard enough
Aaargh KL driving!!
Well,i used to think i lead a charmed life. Unfortunately Squid and i were involved in a lovely 6 car pile-up on the Federal Highway today. Squid ,of course, is my much loved trusty 1000cc Mini lookalike. We do lead a dangerous life but this is the first time i've been in an accident.What happened was: it was raining cats and dogs as ususal. Being the Fed Highway,there was flooding.
So,one freaking idiot who wasn't used to driving in KL braked suddenly and resulted in a whole bunch of us crashing into each other. Normally,i always drive very very fast. For some reason,i drove muy slowly today and managed to swerve slightly before crashing into the guy ahead. So poor Squid has a broken nose(of sorts) and my shoulder hurts like heck. However,the dude whose car i smashed was really nice about everything and i'm just glad we weren't badly injured. KL driving is dangerous. You have all these weirdos from out-of-state (especially freaking obnoxious Johoreans and Malacca people) driving around. They insist on gawking at car crashes, braking suddenly and not freaking signalling where they wanna go. No one car-pools to work and you have these people who drive National cars like Wajas and Satrias who think they are hot stuff.AND all these male MALAY IDIOTS always bully drivers of small vehicles. That's why i've always driven fast and hard. If they can't catch you,they can't bully you.Ah well,to the garage it is for poor Squid.
Well,i used to think i lead a charmed life. Unfortunately Squid and i were involved in a lovely 6 car pile-up on the Federal Highway today. Squid ,of course, is my much loved trusty 1000cc Mini lookalike. We do lead a dangerous life but this is the first time i've been in an accident.What happened was: it was raining cats and dogs as ususal. Being the Fed Highway,there was flooding.
So,one freaking idiot who wasn't used to driving in KL braked suddenly and resulted in a whole bunch of us crashing into each other. Normally,i always drive very very fast. For some reason,i drove muy slowly today and managed to swerve slightly before crashing into the guy ahead. So poor Squid has a broken nose(of sorts) and my shoulder hurts like heck. However,the dude whose car i smashed was really nice about everything and i'm just glad we weren't badly injured. KL driving is dangerous. You have all these weirdos from out-of-state (especially freaking obnoxious Johoreans and Malacca people) driving around. They insist on gawking at car crashes, braking suddenly and not freaking signalling where they wanna go. No one car-pools to work and you have these people who drive National cars like Wajas and Satrias who think they are hot stuff.AND all these male MALAY IDIOTS always bully drivers of small vehicles. That's why i've always driven fast and hard. If they can't catch you,they can't bully you.Ah well,to the garage it is for poor Squid.
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