My first impression of Siem Reap was terrible. I was still on the bus,in the stupor caused from taking motion sickness pills,wehn my window was slammed open!. All these people were yelling at me,imploring me,"Please stay at my guesthouse,clean room,shower,aircond"...and the killer pitch "free internet!". Some locals were actually pulled off the bus by these rather overzealous men. I had a rather soft spoken tuk tuk driver take me to my guesthouse. Since he did not push his way nor unceasingly pleaded,rather;he asked very politely,i felt most comfortable with him.
The guesthouse itself is not that great.the room is clean and simple enough. Unfortunately,a shower will leave you smelling like rust. To me,that smells like blood and i feel nauseous at the end of each shower. Not good at all. However,since teh room only costs USD2 (can't get that in KL!),i can't complain at all.
Left at about 7a.m for Angkor. It had rained heavily earlier so no chance to view the sunrise anyway. A moto driver for the day costs about USD 6. A tuk-tuk will cost USD 10. There's a Grand Tour and a Small Tour. Being not very ambitious,i opted for the small tour. A 3-day pass (even if you visit only for 2 days) costs USD40. I wondered why on the pass it bore the name of Sokhla Hotel. Very odd. Why not Cambodian Tourist Authority?. Does the temple complex belong to a private enterprise?.
i returned somewhat early from Angkor. After starting to sneeze continously,i decided it may be best to call off the day. That,and the hordes (or rather herds) of tourists pushed me to leave.
The day started off rather well with Bayon.It was absolutely lovely. Just heading towards it,with trees lining eaither side of the avenue,very cool weather;built up anticipation. It had a "mystical" feel (rather sentimental word) and was sublime. I sat there for hours. I explored terrace by terrace. twisted my ankle terribly at one point.My ankle gave way and i lnded,fortuitously,on my derriere. Anywhere else,it would have hurt exceedingly. However,i continued climbing all the way up.
I met an Englishman who was so overcome by Bayon that he came to me and said "this is absolutely amazing". We had an enlightened conversation regarding Bayon,our luck at being in Cambodia before the whole experience became too sanitized,electric carts,foreign interference in Siem Reap and why herds of tour groups simply ruin the experience. Then,we had to cut short the conversation as yet another loud,excited,happy group came bouncing along. Ironic,no?
From Bayon,i left for Ta Keo and Ta Phrom. Both were very impressive. Ta Keo was easy to navigate,beng linear in nature. Ta Phrom was everything i imagined it to be. It was pictured in Wong Kar wai's film:In The Mood For Love. It was romantic,overgrown,and required much imagination. However,as more and more tour groups (japanese,Korean and chinese) came traipsing along loudly,it became harder to ignore the din. That,coupled with exuberant Japanese teenagers shouting made me contemplate homicide. Or rather Genocide. Sigh.
A rather vicious storm came along,scaring even the hardened peddelrs. I was glad to be out of broken down Ta Phrom at that point. It wasn't a normal downpour. Several huts came crashing down. My moto driver was quite worried and looked visibly relieved when he saw myself limping amiably along. After all,i was very pleased that nature had took revenge and chuckled when all the noisy people scampered and dispersed hurriedly.Yay!
We finished off the "small tour" with Angkor Wat. I found a small nook for myself. With my ankle not being very reliable (despite the ankle brace) i had to forgo the pleasure of climbing to the top. I know it's only an 11m climb. However,those stairs are terribly steep!. It rained continously. More people came upon my nook so i had to give that up and called it a day. My moto driver had actually come to search for me: i was a gimp and throughly soaked. Hehhehe.
Tomorrow will be my last day in Siem Reap. I'll be there very early at 5 sunrise (if it doesn't rain) and to see Angkor again. If i've time,i'd like to see Bayon. Then,back to Phnom Penh on the 8a.m bus. I have no wish to rush on Sunday. It sounds terribly lazy but all i want to do now is sit and read. Have a massage-painful but satisfying from a bling masseur. If i feel up to it,i may go to the museum. Better yet,go to the Russian Market and get a good backpack.
Technorati
Friday, June 30, 2006
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Paksong, Tat Fan, Tat PhamNee and Pakse.
Paksong is lovely. It has only 2 main streets,this despite being the coffee capital of Laos. Located on the Bolaven plateau,an elevation of only 500m or so,it has cool weather. It is comfortable out of the sun during the day and chilly at night. It rains throughout the day but nothing terribly inconvenient. The Paksong market is busy with mountains of cabbages,the lovley aroma of coffee and traditional clothing. The traditional wevaed skirt looks like a sarong except that you augment the end with fancy silkweaves. A kilogram of the coffee costs only USD1.
From paksong,it's a short bus ride to see Tat Fan waterfalls. It is terribly risky to try to trek to the base of the waterfalls. A safer alternative is to
From paksong,it's a short bus ride to see Tat Fan waterfalls. It is terribly risky to try to trek to the base of the waterfalls. A safer alternative is to
Spunkeymonkey does Laos
Forget Cambodia. Laos is awesome. It is probably the only Asian country that is quiet and serene. I have been on the move since arriving 7 days ago in Phnom Penh.
Phnom Penh is very typical of any Asian city. Packed with people and animals and vehicles. Noisy, extremely dirty and impoverished. It's filled with falangs looking for cheap sex,booze and what they think is a good time. For some odd reason,beds here have very very hard pillows to go along with their lumpy mattresses. Set out the next day immediately for Laos.
From PhnomPenh,it's a long 10 hour bus ride to Strung Teung on the border. Strung Teung was the birthplace of the infamous torturer of the Pol Pot regime. On the bus,one unfortunate couple left their bag in the bus and lost USD 400 and their camera. When we reached Strung teung,we immediately took up an offer from the inimitable Mr.Ritchie.
For USD10,he took us across the Mekong,drove us to the border crossing 2 1/2 hours away.There,he negotiated for us to pay only USD2 for stamping purposes at the cambodian and laos checkpoints respectively. From the Laos checkpoint in the middle of nowhere,we were driven to the river and took a boat to Don Det. It was pitch black at only 7p.m,Mr.Ritchie tried to illuminate the way using his cellphone because the boatman did not have any lights on his boat!. The electric stormof the monsoon casted eerie glows throughout our ride. It took only 45 minutes to reach Don det in the darkness.
Don Det is a small island that you can circumvent in 40 minutes. It is one of 4000 islands located in the Mekong River as it goes through Southern Laos. On arrival,we went to Mama Rasta Guesthouse. Did not sleep the whole night because it was one of those ridiculously warm nights despite the thundershower. Woke up to find the world so bright at only 530a.m.
There are 2 sides to Don Det. Does not really matter which side you stay on. The Sunrise side meansyou can not sleep in. However, you at least get a fan,a big bed, hammock for only USD2. Breakfast costs around USD 1. The Sunset side faces more islands,paddy fields,mountains. It is quieter and cheaper. However,it is so tranquil on the islands anyway. All you want to do is lie in a hammock and read.
Left Don det that day for the mainland. For USD4.5,got a boat ride and a bus ticket to Pakse. Pakse is the largest town in Southern Laos. It is so small,even Ipoh is bigger than Pakse. The journey took 3 hours by an open air bus. On arrival in Pakse,went to Jasmin Indian Restaurant. It was apleasant surprise to find a place that serves Malay,Indian and Halal food. The food was so tasty and surprisingly faithful to the Malaysian style. The owner was very happy to converse in Malay with me. For USD4,i got a top notch lunch with tonnes of food. The owner had worked in Mamak stores in Brunei,Sabah and sarawak for nearly 8 years!.
Headed back to the South BUs terminal and caught a bus to Sekong,oneof the easternmost provinces in Laos. It is a very odd little town that has absolutely no infrastructure for tourists. After being unable to rent any bikes,motos nor find anyone who could you where to venture,hopped on another bus to Paksong. This took4 looong hours. It was well worth it.
Phnom Penh is very typical of any Asian city. Packed with people and animals and vehicles. Noisy, extremely dirty and impoverished. It's filled with falangs looking for cheap sex,booze and what they think is a good time. For some odd reason,beds here have very very hard pillows to go along with their lumpy mattresses. Set out the next day immediately for Laos.
From PhnomPenh,it's a long 10 hour bus ride to Strung Teung on the border. Strung Teung was the birthplace of the infamous torturer of the Pol Pot regime. On the bus,one unfortunate couple left their bag in the bus and lost USD 400 and their camera. When we reached Strung teung,we immediately took up an offer from the inimitable Mr.Ritchie.
For USD10,he took us across the Mekong,drove us to the border crossing 2 1/2 hours away.There,he negotiated for us to pay only USD2 for stamping purposes at the cambodian and laos checkpoints respectively. From the Laos checkpoint in the middle of nowhere,we were driven to the river and took a boat to Don Det. It was pitch black at only 7p.m,Mr.Ritchie tried to illuminate the way using his cellphone because the boatman did not have any lights on his boat!. The electric stormof the monsoon casted eerie glows throughout our ride. It took only 45 minutes to reach Don det in the darkness.
Don Det is a small island that you can circumvent in 40 minutes. It is one of 4000 islands located in the Mekong River as it goes through Southern Laos. On arrival,we went to Mama Rasta Guesthouse. Did not sleep the whole night because it was one of those ridiculously warm nights despite the thundershower. Woke up to find the world so bright at only 530a.m.
There are 2 sides to Don Det. Does not really matter which side you stay on. The Sunrise side meansyou can not sleep in. However, you at least get a fan,a big bed, hammock for only USD2. Breakfast costs around USD 1. The Sunset side faces more islands,paddy fields,mountains. It is quieter and cheaper. However,it is so tranquil on the islands anyway. All you want to do is lie in a hammock and read.
Left Don det that day for the mainland. For USD4.5,got a boat ride and a bus ticket to Pakse. Pakse is the largest town in Southern Laos. It is so small,even Ipoh is bigger than Pakse. The journey took 3 hours by an open air bus. On arrival in Pakse,went to Jasmin Indian Restaurant. It was apleasant surprise to find a place that serves Malay,Indian and Halal food. The food was so tasty and surprisingly faithful to the Malaysian style. The owner was very happy to converse in Malay with me. For USD4,i got a top notch lunch with tonnes of food. The owner had worked in Mamak stores in Brunei,Sabah and sarawak for nearly 8 years!.
Headed back to the South BUs terminal and caught a bus to Sekong,oneof the easternmost provinces in Laos. It is a very odd little town that has absolutely no infrastructure for tourists. After being unable to rent any bikes,motos nor find anyone who could you where to venture,hopped on another bus to Paksong. This took4 looong hours. It was well worth it.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
One more hurdle
Spunkeymonkey does another leap...
so,the last hurdle is tonight. Have to go to my parents' place. Grandma insists. Ugh. Although i have their tacit agreement that i may go on my holiday:-how demeaning and insulting having to have someone's permission to go on holiday!. Of all of the fr****** medieval things.
As agreed,i tried to change my flight back to an earlier date. No go. Will have to call Air asia. This totally sucks because it not only ruins my holiday,it ruins my friends' holidays as well. On this,i feel terrible. Time and time again,since i was in school,my parenst have restricted my life. don't do this,don't do that,Don't,Don't,Don't. I abhor it.
why do people have children?. Why bother if you want absolute control all the time?. Why bother if you want a robot?. if i was capable of hate,i would hate them for bringing me into this world and then making it hell. I do not think i ASKED to be born.
so,the last hurdle is tonight. Have to go to my parents' place. Grandma insists. Ugh. Although i have their tacit agreement that i may go on my holiday:-how demeaning and insulting having to have someone's permission to go on holiday!. Of all of the fr****** medieval things.
As agreed,i tried to change my flight back to an earlier date. No go. Will have to call Air asia. This totally sucks because it not only ruins my holiday,it ruins my friends' holidays as well. On this,i feel terrible. Time and time again,since i was in school,my parenst have restricted my life. don't do this,don't do that,Don't,Don't,Don't. I abhor it.
why do people have children?. Why bother if you want absolute control all the time?. Why bother if you want a robot?. if i was capable of hate,i would hate them for bringing me into this world and then making it hell. I do not think i ASKED to be born.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
CLOSE MINDEDNESS
Um,i might have to cut short my trip. I had a terrible day. It started off okay,i got 3 hours of sleep.Woke up to like 4 msgs from my mum asking me to call my dad. So i called,he was very displeased about the trip and said i just shoved it down their trips.
So,i was trying to get some sleep before the night shift. They came home,banged on the door till i came out and i got a 2 hour lecture.
Basically, the gist of it is
1.ask permission first
2.i am an apostate since i don't bother asking their permission
3.i am selfish
4.am too westernized
5.i set a bad example
6.all my friends are morally lacking and do not follow the tenets of islam
7. he wishes me dead if he finds out i've brought shame-very comforting.(and you say i'm morbid.)
they are also very upset i chose such a dangerous place to go to. right.
i am allowed to go provided i cut short my trip. I negotiated from just one week till july 2nd. i've informed fazilah.haven't told hafiz yet.will do that tomorrow.
anyhow,it will be nice to go on holiday and forget about these terrible things. If i listen to them,i will end up hating myself. As it is,i kept my mouth shut since there's no point trying to get any point across to people who deeply believe what they say is true. I don't see why at all i have to ask permission. If that's westernized so be it.
apparently,the only time i don't have to ask Permission to go places is if i'm married. It seems their responsibility is over once i'm married. sigh.
the reason why this is all such a downer is because-we've all been through this before. can't we just agree to disagree. i do not believe at all in any of their views. if teh world's coming to a bloody end i'd like to see all those beautiful places before i die with people i love.it makes more sense to me.lol.
So,i was trying to get some sleep before the night shift. They came home,banged on the door till i came out and i got a 2 hour lecture.
Basically, the gist of it is
1.ask permission first
2.i am an apostate since i don't bother asking their permission
3.i am selfish
4.am too westernized
5.i set a bad example
6.all my friends are morally lacking and do not follow the tenets of islam
7. he wishes me dead if he finds out i've brought shame-very comforting.(and you say i'm morbid.)
they are also very upset i chose such a dangerous place to go to. right.
i am allowed to go provided i cut short my trip. I negotiated from just one week till july 2nd. i've informed fazilah.haven't told hafiz yet.will do that tomorrow.
anyhow,it will be nice to go on holiday and forget about these terrible things. If i listen to them,i will end up hating myself. As it is,i kept my mouth shut since there's no point trying to get any point across to people who deeply believe what they say is true. I don't see why at all i have to ask permission. If that's westernized so be it.
apparently,the only time i don't have to ask Permission to go places is if i'm married. It seems their responsibility is over once i'm married. sigh.
the reason why this is all such a downer is because-we've all been through this before. can't we just agree to disagree. i do not believe at all in any of their views. if teh world's coming to a bloody end i'd like to see all those beautiful places before i die with people i love.it makes more sense to me.lol.
Monday, June 05, 2006
spunkeymonkey does Laos
Or rather,spunkeymonkey plans out her backpacking trip to Laos...
From June 16-July 4th will be in Laos and Cambodia. Arriving in Phnom Penh June 16. The plan is to get the hell out of dodge via bus or boat to the Cambodia-Laos border.
At the border,grab a boat to Si Phan Don (4000 islands). it has the only railway tracks laid by the French on one of the larger islands. the tracks are unused now. Check out this couples' roadtrip and stay at Si Phan Don http://www.travelpod.com/cgi-bin/guest.pl?tweb_UID=pidgeandpie&tweb_tripID=rtw_2005-06&tweb_entryID=1126419660&tweb_PID=tpod.
Now,i expect i'll be staying there for a few days. I am absolutely set on catching a glimpse of an Irrawaddy dolphin!. It's my dearest wish to see one as the development along the Mekong has lead to dwindling numbers of these gorgeous and rare creatures.
Any ideas are welcomed!
From June 16-July 4th will be in Laos and Cambodia. Arriving in Phnom Penh June 16. The plan is to get the hell out of dodge via bus or boat to the Cambodia-Laos border.
At the border,grab a boat to Si Phan Don (4000 islands). it has the only railway tracks laid by the French on one of the larger islands. the tracks are unused now. Check out this couples' roadtrip and stay at Si Phan Don http://www.travelpod.com/cgi-bin/guest.pl?tweb_UID=pidgeandpie&tweb_tripID=rtw_2005-06&tweb_entryID=1126419660&tweb_PID=tpod.
Now,i expect i'll be staying there for a few days. I am absolutely set on catching a glimpse of an Irrawaddy dolphin!. It's my dearest wish to see one as the development along the Mekong has lead to dwindling numbers of these gorgeous and rare creatures.
Any ideas are welcomed!
Monday, April 17, 2006
correspondence with zack
Zack,
I've never been in love so i'll take your word for it. Most days i feel like that lady in The Hours. I read and read and read. The world that exists in books seems richer somehow. Sometimes,this living business is a tough.
I had the oddest bit of help and advice today. There's thsi distant relative of my gran who's a masseuse. She comes to the house every so often. As she was giving me a massage,she told me;in very hushed tones,that my mother knew i was dating a man of Chinese descent. I was shocked as i had not told this even to my mum. I did remember telling my maid once. The context in which i had confided in my gran's helper(with the apparently futile do-not-tell-mum please request) was after another fight with my mum. As everyone has been telling me,the only way out is to get married. So,i told my maid that was unlikely to happen aytime soon as the person i am dating is chinese and works as a teacher (he lectures at a private college to matriculation students). She was upset when she found out.
Now,i haven't told mum because for some odd reason my family don't like me dating Chinese,indian,caucasian or any other race. It's odd because my mum's cousins have mostly married Caucasians. My mum's sister married an Indian fellow. Our family is mixed blood as we have Chinese,Portuguese,Indian,Arab,Javanese blood.
The thing is Zack,i know he'll leave in January. I just want to be happy for once even if it's just for a year. When anything happens,i keep in mind i have only this one year and try to spend as much time i can with him. I also have to spend time with my family,do errands,work,play tennis (we won Gold as a team),do part-time jobs,do researcg and study. Some days i wish i could cry off and ask my family to back off. I get text messages everyday from my mother to say "be back early","be considerate and be back early","where are you?","what time does work finish and what time will you be back".Every day. It is unbearable. Most days i wish she will get better Soon and go back to her own house and get out of my face.
I am very grateful for all my friends (even though my family begrudges the time i spend with them too). Thank you for writing and the poems and the support.
You know,when i read that sonnet of baudelaire's;he doesn't seem vile. However,with his history in mind;you know he's not real enough.
I'll forward you a photo of the both of us.
dian
Zachary Chartkoff wrote:
My dearest Dian ~
I am sooooooooooooo glad you are in love! I know the interet is a poor medium to judge excitment and tone of voice (I mean, it's flat writing) but I am grinning really big on your behalf. Partly because I am honored you can trust me, partly because you seem happy in your letter (believe me, happiness is so very valuable) and partly because I think you are wonderful and feel gifted I can spend even a little time with you in this life.
Tell Mark I would be delighted if he read my poetry and if was up to sharing some of his own work I would be excited to see it. There is no hurry, though. It's sort of like my letter writing, I have never been known for my swift replies but I am working on that, though with a lot of my ideas it seems to take a bit longer in real-time than the wild world of cyber space =)
In the meantime let me fill you in with life ... translating in the morning and working in the evenings. I have been trying to get Baudelaire's sonnet, "Parfum Exotique," into English. It is hard!
I never realized how much I dislike the man! Baudelaire lived in Paris, in the 1840s and 1850s. He was middle-class, taken to living off the allowance his mother gave him and fond of prostitutes and absinthe. What this means is he developed various venereal diseases that stayed with him his entire adult life and which he apparently passed onto all his lovers. In many of his poems there is a figure of a certain woman, who Baudelaire refers to as "quadroon," or "octoroon," an outdated term meaning a person having one-quarter African ancestry, named Jeanne Duval. He enhales a mysterious perfume on her and starts to imagine the island she came from (maybe the Caribbean somewhere). That's the idea of the poem.
I think the poem was probably very shocking 150 years ago, when the ruling elite didn't fall in love with people of other races. But now Baudelaire is just what we call a "racist and sexist," in my circles of friends. I suppose what was once seen as forbidden or taboo is now common. Common is not a bad thing, you know, it means we are no longer scandalized by the other people (the poem I would love to read would be Jeanne Duval's reply to Baudelaire, maybe it would go: "After giving me the gonorrhea, I lay next/ to your pasty flesh and smell all of Paris'/ sewer system in one of your rotten kisses ..." but sadly, we do not have that poem ... I have the feeling Baudelaire was not very clean).
What else can I tell you? It is turning warm outside. I spent some time outside planting tulip bulbs in the ground so in July or so I will have beautiful flowers. Soon I will want to get out my jogging shoes and go running down by the river. True, it is very stinky and there is trash floating in the water sometimes, but at least I will be outside. That is good. How is the weather with you? How can you tell when it will be springtime?
I hope all is good with you and you will write soon. Give my best to Mark and please take care of yourself.
your friend,
Zachary
.........................................................
Quand, les deux yeux fermés, en un soir chaud d'automne,
Je respire l'odeur de ton sein chaleureux,
Je vois se dérouler des rivages heureux
Qu'éblouissent les feux d'un soleil monotone;
Une île paresseuse où la nature donne
Des arbres singuliers et des fruits savoureux;
Des hommes dont le corps est mince et vigoureux,
Et des femmes dont l'oeil par sa franchise étonne.
Guidé par ton odeur vers de charmants climats,
Je vois un port rempli de voiles et de mâts
Encor tout fatigués par la vague marine,
Pendant que le parfum des verts tamariniers,
Qui circule dans l'air et m'enfle la narine,
Se mêle dans mon âme au chant des mariniers.
..............................................
Bewitching, on an autumn night with eyes
closed I breathe in the musk of your breasts, see
far off shores, atolls, all bright and happy
under a dazzling, endless sunrise.
Lazy island, where Nature breeds countless
wondrous trees and fruits of weird delight,
and whose men, with their lithe bodies, invite
women, whose eyes flash with lewd directness.
Lured by your scent to an isle so charming,
I see a port full of sail, mast, rigging
all still weary from the ocean's furies
while the tamarind trees breathe their flavor
to please my senses with greedy pleasure,
mingled with sailor's sea-songs and chanteys.
I've never been in love so i'll take your word for it. Most days i feel like that lady in The Hours. I read and read and read. The world that exists in books seems richer somehow. Sometimes,this living business is a tough.
I had the oddest bit of help and advice today. There's thsi distant relative of my gran who's a masseuse. She comes to the house every so often. As she was giving me a massage,she told me;in very hushed tones,that my mother knew i was dating a man of Chinese descent. I was shocked as i had not told this even to my mum. I did remember telling my maid once. The context in which i had confided in my gran's helper(with the apparently futile do-not-tell-mum please request) was after another fight with my mum. As everyone has been telling me,the only way out is to get married. So,i told my maid that was unlikely to happen aytime soon as the person i am dating is chinese and works as a teacher (he lectures at a private college to matriculation students). She was upset when she found out.
Now,i haven't told mum because for some odd reason my family don't like me dating Chinese,indian,caucasian or any other race. It's odd because my mum's cousins have mostly married Caucasians. My mum's sister married an Indian fellow. Our family is mixed blood as we have Chinese,Portuguese,Indian,Arab,Javanese blood.
The thing is Zack,i know he'll leave in January. I just want to be happy for once even if it's just for a year. When anything happens,i keep in mind i have only this one year and try to spend as much time i can with him. I also have to spend time with my family,do errands,work,play tennis (we won Gold as a team),do part-time jobs,do researcg and study. Some days i wish i could cry off and ask my family to back off. I get text messages everyday from my mother to say "be back early","be considerate and be back early","where are you?","what time does work finish and what time will you be back".Every day. It is unbearable. Most days i wish she will get better Soon and go back to her own house and get out of my face.
I am very grateful for all my friends (even though my family begrudges the time i spend with them too). Thank you for writing and the poems and the support.
You know,when i read that sonnet of baudelaire's;he doesn't seem vile. However,with his history in mind;you know he's not real enough.
I'll forward you a photo of the both of us.
dian
Zachary Chartkoff
My dearest Dian ~
I am sooooooooooooo glad you are in love! I know the interet is a poor medium to judge excitment and tone of voice (I mean, it's flat writing) but I am grinning really big on your behalf. Partly because I am honored you can trust me, partly because you seem happy in your letter (believe me, happiness is so very valuable) and partly because I think you are wonderful and feel gifted I can spend even a little time with you in this life.
Tell Mark I would be delighted if he read my poetry and if was up to sharing some of his own work I would be excited to see it. There is no hurry, though. It's sort of like my letter writing, I have never been known for my swift replies but I am working on that, though with a lot of my ideas it seems to take a bit longer in real-time than the wild world of cyber space =)
In the meantime let me fill you in with life ... translating in the morning and working in the evenings. I have been trying to get Baudelaire's sonnet, "Parfum Exotique," into English. It is hard!
I never realized how much I dislike the man! Baudelaire lived in Paris, in the 1840s and 1850s. He was middle-class, taken to living off the allowance his mother gave him and fond of prostitutes and absinthe. What this means is he developed various venereal diseases that stayed with him his entire adult life and which he apparently passed onto all his lovers. In many of his poems there is a figure of a certain woman, who Baudelaire refers to as "quadroon," or "octoroon," an outdated term meaning a person having one-quarter African ancestry, named Jeanne Duval. He enhales a mysterious perfume on her and starts to imagine the island she came from (maybe the Caribbean somewhere). That's the idea of the poem.
I think the poem was probably very shocking 150 years ago, when the ruling elite didn't fall in love with people of other races. But now Baudelaire is just what we call a "racist and sexist," in my circles of friends. I suppose what was once seen as forbidden or taboo is now common. Common is not a bad thing, you know, it means we are no longer scandalized by the other people (the poem I would love to read would be Jeanne Duval's reply to Baudelaire, maybe it would go: "After giving me the gonorrhea, I lay next/ to your pasty flesh and smell all of Paris'/ sewer system in one of your rotten kisses ..." but sadly, we do not have that poem ... I have the feeling Baudelaire was not very clean).
What else can I tell you? It is turning warm outside. I spent some time outside planting tulip bulbs in the ground so in July or so I will have beautiful flowers. Soon I will want to get out my jogging shoes and go running down by the river. True, it is very stinky and there is trash floating in the water sometimes, but at least I will be outside. That is good. How is the weather with you? How can you tell when it will be springtime?
I hope all is good with you and you will write soon. Give my best to Mark and please take care of yourself.
your friend,
Zachary
.........................................................
Quand, les deux yeux fermés, en un soir chaud d'automne,
Je respire l'odeur de ton sein chaleureux,
Je vois se dérouler des rivages heureux
Qu'éblouissent les feux d'un soleil monotone;
Une île paresseuse où la nature donne
Des arbres singuliers et des fruits savoureux;
Des hommes dont le corps est mince et vigoureux,
Et des femmes dont l'oeil par sa franchise étonne.
Guidé par ton odeur vers de charmants climats,
Je vois un port rempli de voiles et de mâts
Encor tout fatigués par la vague marine,
Pendant que le parfum des verts tamariniers,
Qui circule dans l'air et m'enfle la narine,
Se mêle dans mon âme au chant des mariniers.
..............................................
Bewitching, on an autumn night with eyes
closed I breathe in the musk of your breasts, see
far off shores, atolls, all bright and happy
under a dazzling, endless sunrise.
Lazy island, where Nature breeds countless
wondrous trees and fruits of weird delight,
and whose men, with their lithe bodies, invite
women, whose eyes flash with lewd directness.
Lured by your scent to an isle so charming,
I see a port full of sail, mast, rigging
all still weary from the ocean's furies
while the tamarind trees breathe their flavor
to please my senses with greedy pleasure,
mingled with sailor's sea-songs and chanteys.
bitching to Zack
zack,
my mspacehttp://www.myspace.com/battlemonkey78
it's so difficult to check my mail and your page!.computers stall and then crash. yesterday night,i had texted my bf as we had planned to meet up aftr i finish work. however,he said he was at his friend's watching soccer.naturally,i thought he had forgotten all about me coming over. So,i texted back and said that's fine,i have your keys and i'll drop off your stuff..enjoy the game. He says not to worry as he has enough money (he left his wallet in my car) so he can get it much later. However,since i had promised and didn't really have any other time i was going to go over to his place anyway. Besides,i had a huge bar of chocolate for him and if i didn't send it over i might succumb and eat it myself.
I go over,he's still watching the soccer game at his mate's. Next door there's a mamak (indian muslim) stall so i go there to eat. He cycles over and says he's upset i didn't call and tht i was annoying. He had rushed back to his place i hopes i may come anyway.went upstairs,saw that i had left all th things for him and then rushed over hoping i was still eating. While we were chatting h finally receives the text message i sent much earlier and feels sheepish that he was all upset.
this does happen to us from time to time.most of the time i tell myself he really does have poor short term memory. and it's hard for me to tall when he's upset or not because he's laidback. partly,it's my fault.i have been burned so many times,that sometimes i have to remind myself that this is mark.he has been good to me.he has been kind and considerate and caring and supportive. That he's not all those other blokes who were self absorbed and selfish.
it's just i'm skittish and too cautious you know.i never was but the last 2 relationships were horrible. This is good and i'd like it to last for a while.If i don't muck it up.
at the moment i am listening to amadou and mariam.good stuff.
as i have always said,it would be nce if you were here and we could gossip.i'm a terrible giggler (is there such a word?) and would be in helpless laughter and tears at anything remotely funny. it would be nice.
my mspacehttp://www.myspace.com/battlemonkey78
it's so difficult to check my mail and your page!.computers stall and then crash. yesterday night,i had texted my bf as we had planned to meet up aftr i finish work. however,he said he was at his friend's watching soccer.naturally,i thought he had forgotten all about me coming over. So,i texted back and said that's fine,i have your keys and i'll drop off your stuff..enjoy the game. He says not to worry as he has enough money (he left his wallet in my car) so he can get it much later. However,since i had promised and didn't really have any other time i was going to go over to his place anyway. Besides,i had a huge bar of chocolate for him and if i didn't send it over i might succumb and eat it myself.
I go over,he's still watching the soccer game at his mate's. Next door there's a mamak (indian muslim) stall so i go there to eat. He cycles over and says he's upset i didn't call and tht i was annoying. He had rushed back to his place i hopes i may come anyway.went upstairs,saw that i had left all th things for him and then rushed over hoping i was still eating. While we were chatting h finally receives the text message i sent much earlier and feels sheepish that he was all upset.
this does happen to us from time to time.most of the time i tell myself he really does have poor short term memory. and it's hard for me to tall when he's upset or not because he's laidback. partly,it's my fault.i have been burned so many times,that sometimes i have to remind myself that this is mark.he has been good to me.he has been kind and considerate and caring and supportive. That he's not all those other blokes who were self absorbed and selfish.
it's just i'm skittish and too cautious you know.i never was but the last 2 relationships were horrible. This is good and i'd like it to last for a while.If i don't muck it up.
at the moment i am listening to amadou and mariam.good stuff.
as i have always said,it would be nce if you were here and we could gossip.i'm a terrible giggler (is there such a word?) and would be in helpless laughter and tears at anything remotely funny. it would be nice.
letter to bernie apr 18 2006
bernie,
hey,you have time and space in abu dhabi. i guess if you're on your own a bit,it's easier to think more and reflect more on what you go through. I found on my travels that having to be alone in foreign places with no friends left me understanding myself more. i wasn't as bad as i thought i was or people had told me. i ended up believing in my capabilities and my decisions.sometimes,when there;s too many people telling you things and around you,you may end up changing to accomodate their view of you.
when i was 16,i had to decide what i wanted my life to be. at that point,i decided that i would never be rich or famous.I would like to help lots of people.My goal is to work hard enough,teach enough people and when i can afford to (after my responsibilities to my siblings pass to their spouses),i will volunteer more. Sometimes,when things are really bad with parents,this thought keeps me going.
Sometimes,it's really surprising how life can be better. I never thought i would have a chance to go out with someone like mark. In fact,i had given up on going out,marriage,children and all that. So,even though he may leave me,at least i have had a chance to experience being happy for once. Work is good. I have good friends. I have enough to eat and a place to sleep. i think i have enough.
anyhow,all your friends here look forward to seeing you again. There's no need to reply promptly...like i said sometime being on your own is bloody good for the soul.
hey,you have time and space in abu dhabi. i guess if you're on your own a bit,it's easier to think more and reflect more on what you go through. I found on my travels that having to be alone in foreign places with no friends left me understanding myself more. i wasn't as bad as i thought i was or people had told me. i ended up believing in my capabilities and my decisions.sometimes,when there;s too many people telling you things and around you,you may end up changing to accomodate their view of you.
when i was 16,i had to decide what i wanted my life to be. at that point,i decided that i would never be rich or famous.I would like to help lots of people.My goal is to work hard enough,teach enough people and when i can afford to (after my responsibilities to my siblings pass to their spouses),i will volunteer more. Sometimes,when things are really bad with parents,this thought keeps me going.
Sometimes,it's really surprising how life can be better. I never thought i would have a chance to go out with someone like mark. In fact,i had given up on going out,marriage,children and all that. So,even though he may leave me,at least i have had a chance to experience being happy for once. Work is good. I have good friends. I have enough to eat and a place to sleep. i think i have enough.
anyhow,all your friends here look forward to seeing you again. There's no need to reply promptly...like i said sometime being on your own is bloody good for the soul.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Como estas?
I was bleary eyed going in to work at 7a.m today.Had stayed up till 230 reading de Lint's new newford collection.
I was team leader again. Lives saved:countless. You see so many people everyday. i work everyday. If i have a day off,i go out,meet people i like, but then i'll always pick up a part-time job anyway.
today,i got off work at 2p.m. Went to the beautician and then the hairdressers. Pleasantly falling asleep while i have a treatment done when i get a call. It's Rashid.
R:Dian,can you cover me at the clinic?.
D:Today?
R:yep.It's at 6 p.m (he calls me at 545).
D:Sure dude.
It's automatic. I can say no but i'm like ooooh work.
Sad,i know.
I was team leader again. Lives saved:countless. You see so many people everyday. i work everyday. If i have a day off,i go out,meet people i like, but then i'll always pick up a part-time job anyway.
today,i got off work at 2p.m. Went to the beautician and then the hairdressers. Pleasantly falling asleep while i have a treatment done when i get a call. It's Rashid.
R:Dian,can you cover me at the clinic?.
D:Today?
R:yep.It's at 6 p.m (he calls me at 545).
D:Sure dude.
It's automatic. I can say no but i'm like ooooh work.
Sad,i know.
Goals, reflections and Fuck Love
I guess before i define my plans for this year,i should first reflect on what i've achieved. I have 5 year plans. Usually there's 3-4 goals i hope to achieve by the end of those 5 years. My last 5 year plan ended when i was 24. So,i've only 2 years or less for this cycle.
When i graduated, my plan for the next 5 years was this:
by 2007 i had had to have:
1. be a specialist before i was 30
2. volunteer for MSf
3. travel a lot
4. help out my siblings financially
5.get a job outside of malaysia.
Let's see what happened in 2005...It's easier to break down into months:
January: absolutely bleeding positive at this time.I was quite happily in like with this really awesome guy Kevin. I was waiting for my APC and letter of good standing so i could start work in NZ. At the end of the month, i learn the medicl council lost my file,the hospital i used to work at had no idea where my data was and i had to give up my dream job.
February: still happy relationship wise. Overjoyed that i was chosen to volunteer in Aceh during the tsunami aftermath. Realized that i could do this job excellently.
March: As soon as i returned,felt a bit put out said lovely man can't be bothered to call or get in touch.Hello,was in earthquake and tsunami area.2 big ones when i was there. Mum's hospitalized 5 days after i return to Malaysia. When's she well,i say fuck to it all and go visit Dan B in Melbourne.
April: dan is a gentleman. I think Melbourne's fantastic. Parents are very very displeased because i just went and had a holiday....
may: I'm not very clingy but said lovely man is not very good at keeping in touch at all. Unfortunately parental units go nuclear over god knows what and i just take off and disappear for 2 weeks.
June:granma has another Upper GI bleed.I move in with her so that she doesn't kill herself because of her extreme anxiety. She needs to be medicated,but the meds will do more harm than good.
July: I'm not one to give up so easily on a relationship. After all it takes a lot hard work. So,i go on because i realize i do love this guy. Even though it's not reciprocal. I get the 1st of 3 offers to do a master's in Emergency med. get my certificate in Aquatic Rescue. I climb Mount kinabalu.
August: I win 3rd place presenting a free paper for my boss. It's against people from all over the Asia pacific region so i'm dead pleased. My Case report abstract is published in the society's minutes. Relationship wise,things are much better and i'm happier.
September: Start a pain study in the dept. Resisted recruitment attempts by Segara headhunters. I still am looking for a job abroad.Go for a GP intensive Course and HIV medicine course.
October: fasting month. Said boy doesn't take it well at all when i say i think i need to learn to be apart from him. I mean,i actually lovethis guy who doesn't love me. He stops calling,no emails, actually signs in as invisible from me and he totally cancels on a trip to visit. I am heartbroken but after the last jerk i went out with,this is not so bad.
November: i get a lucky break work wise. I'm the only civilian selected for an international diving medicine course.At the end of the course,i'm the best student. It rocks. My phone's out of order for 2 weeks but it's not like i'll be getting a call. Sad fact is,i wait for it everyday.
December: I messaged him to ask what's up. I think we decided to be friends as he just had several flings while incommunicado. Of course,funnily enough,one crush scared hin so bad that he had to get his buddy to pretend they were dating...just so that poor girl wouldn't think they could get together. However,he blows me off when we next chat and just doesn't respond to IMs. So,that's that i guess. Good news: i'm offered a position with this Hyperbaric Health company. it's a very interesting job. Also,offered a permanent part time position by Segara. Things are looking good. My sister gets married and we all go to Indonesia for new year's.
Jan: Decide to sit for my MRCGP in April. I decide to go for it and then do my Diploma in Hyperbaric Medicine. I'll always be able to get a position with the Army or with a private company. Segara wants me to work with them as soon as my APC is done. I decide to start dating again. Work is going really well. Relationship wise:sucks eggs. i still do wish to get a call from him. Not likely as he's discovered the joys of getting drunk and having inane conversations with lots of young women. Sigh.
when i look at my list,i've pretty much covered everything. Only thing left is to find a good job overseas. I need that space and distance away from the toxic people who keep putting me down despite my best efforts. i'll miss my granma and i'm worried about her health. Still, that's what her children should be doing.
When i graduated, my plan for the next 5 years was this:
by 2007 i had had to have:
1. be a specialist before i was 30
2. volunteer for MSf
3. travel a lot
4. help out my siblings financially
5.get a job outside of malaysia.
Let's see what happened in 2005...It's easier to break down into months:
January: absolutely bleeding positive at this time.I was quite happily in like with this really awesome guy Kevin. I was waiting for my APC and letter of good standing so i could start work in NZ. At the end of the month, i learn the medicl council lost my file,the hospital i used to work at had no idea where my data was and i had to give up my dream job.
February: still happy relationship wise. Overjoyed that i was chosen to volunteer in Aceh during the tsunami aftermath. Realized that i could do this job excellently.
March: As soon as i returned,felt a bit put out said lovely man can't be bothered to call or get in touch.Hello,was in earthquake and tsunami area.2 big ones when i was there. Mum's hospitalized 5 days after i return to Malaysia. When's she well,i say fuck to it all and go visit Dan B in Melbourne.
April: dan is a gentleman. I think Melbourne's fantastic. Parents are very very displeased because i just went and had a holiday....
may: I'm not very clingy but said lovely man is not very good at keeping in touch at all. Unfortunately parental units go nuclear over god knows what and i just take off and disappear for 2 weeks.
June:granma has another Upper GI bleed.I move in with her so that she doesn't kill herself because of her extreme anxiety. She needs to be medicated,but the meds will do more harm than good.
July: I'm not one to give up so easily on a relationship. After all it takes a lot hard work. So,i go on because i realize i do love this guy. Even though it's not reciprocal. I get the 1st of 3 offers to do a master's in Emergency med. get my certificate in Aquatic Rescue. I climb Mount kinabalu.
August: I win 3rd place presenting a free paper for my boss. It's against people from all over the Asia pacific region so i'm dead pleased. My Case report abstract is published in the society's minutes. Relationship wise,things are much better and i'm happier.
September: Start a pain study in the dept. Resisted recruitment attempts by Segara headhunters. I still am looking for a job abroad.Go for a GP intensive Course and HIV medicine course.
October: fasting month. Said boy doesn't take it well at all when i say i think i need to learn to be apart from him. I mean,i actually lovethis guy who doesn't love me. He stops calling,no emails, actually signs in as invisible from me and he totally cancels on a trip to visit. I am heartbroken but after the last jerk i went out with,this is not so bad.
November: i get a lucky break work wise. I'm the only civilian selected for an international diving medicine course.At the end of the course,i'm the best student. It rocks. My phone's out of order for 2 weeks but it's not like i'll be getting a call. Sad fact is,i wait for it everyday.
December: I messaged him to ask what's up. I think we decided to be friends as he just had several flings while incommunicado. Of course,funnily enough,one crush scared hin so bad that he had to get his buddy to pretend they were dating...just so that poor girl wouldn't think they could get together. However,he blows me off when we next chat and just doesn't respond to IMs. So,that's that i guess. Good news: i'm offered a position with this Hyperbaric Health company. it's a very interesting job. Also,offered a permanent part time position by Segara. Things are looking good. My sister gets married and we all go to Indonesia for new year's.
Jan: Decide to sit for my MRCGP in April. I decide to go for it and then do my Diploma in Hyperbaric Medicine. I'll always be able to get a position with the Army or with a private company. Segara wants me to work with them as soon as my APC is done. I decide to start dating again. Work is going really well. Relationship wise:sucks eggs. i still do wish to get a call from him. Not likely as he's discovered the joys of getting drunk and having inane conversations with lots of young women. Sigh.
when i look at my list,i've pretty much covered everything. Only thing left is to find a good job overseas. I need that space and distance away from the toxic people who keep putting me down despite my best efforts. i'll miss my granma and i'm worried about her health. Still, that's what her children should be doing.
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