My madness has no budget

I should have planned and budgeted for a 1/3rd life crisis. Why was i stupid enough NOT to have a back-up plan (i.e second boyfriend) stashed away somewhere in case your fiance dumps your ass?. This is what i get for saving up every cent for a home deposit and saving my courage to ask permission from my folks?. WTF?

So,i am slowly going mental because there's no one to talk to anymore at the end of the day. I have 4 times today, contemplated emailing a man i have only known recently since May. Everytime, it was something mundane about my first visit to a horse-race, specifically the Broome Turf Club racing. For a non-drinker and non-gambler it was still a lot of fun. Also, i wanted to tell him about Space Invader (http://www.space-invaders.com/) who is a grafitti/street artist in Paris i adore. He is heading off to Paris to do shopping in July and there's so many things i want to tell him about Paris.

I also wanted to talk about this massive mix-tape, now multi CD track listing of my favourite songs (not all of them) but,since there's been no response to my email since Friday,of course i cannot write at all. Usually i do not give a shit or write, but with this guy being all "i am so independent" and "i think you should read up on co-dependency", i am a bit freaked out. Me,co-dependent?. Right now, i am beginning to think he is right or i just so damn bloody lonely without any of my friends in the same town, let alone country or geographic distribution.

At the same time, i am also thinking what the fuck?. I make people music compilations, share my favourite music and make this dude a mix tape as he is way too musically deprived. But, no one has ever made me a bloody mix-tape ever?. I am SO worthy of a mix-tape. Now, you non Nick Hornby fans may not understand this at all, but just pretend.

The problem is, this dude i met in the UK, was the best kind to talk and talk and talk to because he actually knows shit. His eyes do not glaze over if i start talking about literature,art, science, music, comic books, nature and just trash talk.

Gah, i need to start dating younger men but the problem is they do not earn as much as i do and i no longer want to support 3 generations of a family. I want someone who'll make me laugh-a lot. Someone who can laugh at me when i get silly, or when i get uber passionate about some obscure art movement or artists. Who may not understand why i am devoted to Mucha, Miro, Seurat but love me anyway for being crazy.

I also realize no one really reads any of these blogs except well meaning friends yeah?.