I've always been a Depeche Mode/Cure/NIN/Nirvana/Portishead kind of girl. But, that changed a bit over Christmas and i started feeling happy again-after a long time of not remembering how it felt like to be happy. I had my best mate visiting, we had fun and life was good. Even started to listen to happier stuff, like Soft Pack.
So we went on a trip. I thought it was fun and i had a good time. However, i reckon i must have stuffed up somewhere. From hearing from my mate regularly, the past week of calls not answered, texts not answered and no emails. This is weird cos usually we talk everyday. When i do finally get some kind of email, it's just to say it was fun for my mate to be with his clients and colleagues and go out and pretend to be other people...and that's why it was total communications shutdown?. At least there should be a girl involved?.
I guess, even at this age, i can surmise that i'm only good as "best mate" when there are no other buddies around. Sigh, i'm getting too old for this. I had boyfriends do this to me but it just hurts so much, so unbelievably freaking much out of proportion to what it should compared to that. I guess, i placed too much trust and value to a friendship that i thought was a 2 way street. It's kind of weird being someone's allegedly best mate but "hey, if i'm with work colleagues just don't bother me".
Of course, a simple text: i.e "girl, i am seriously chasing skirt with my mate, getting drunk and partying after work that i have no time to talk" would have been ideal!.
Or even better :" mate, you were bloody annoying the whole trip..for e.g (insert annoying act)..and it could be sorted!
Or perhaps the trip did not go as well as i felt it did. I had fun, i loved it, i miss my buddy because we can talk nerdy fun shit or just be silly or just try anything that may be interesting.
Now, i'm just extremely sad. More than a little bit stressed out with exams, work, Masters and a diploma course. Functioning on no sleep (ruminating too much about what i did wrong or not), no food (been really sick past few days) and just sheer stubbornness. Of course, the upside to that is i may win a bet as i weighed in today at 63.8kg, way down from 66kg last week in Japan. When i am broken-hearted, i just can't eat. I can work, i can be absolutely brilliant at what i do, i can help other people but i cannot sleep, eat or relax.
My new year's resolution was to stay happy, toughen up and no crying. I think i have broken all 3 easily this past week.
Well, i guess the only thing to do is tackle more important stuff. Man, i really truly deeply believed it when my mate said "i'll always have time for you mate". Words just words eh?.
Sigh, well i am really grateful to my mate anyway for being a rock through some hard times. And being kind and honest (i thought) to me. So, no one's perfect. But nothing will be the same because i don't think i have ever had such deep trust in anyone my whole life.
At times like these, just have to go to Bunnings, get some planks, build a bridge and get over it.
So we went on a trip. I thought it was fun and i had a good time. However, i reckon i must have stuffed up somewhere. From hearing from my mate regularly, the past week of calls not answered, texts not answered and no emails. This is weird cos usually we talk everyday. When i do finally get some kind of email, it's just to say it was fun for my mate to be with his clients and colleagues and go out and pretend to be other people...and that's why it was total communications shutdown?. At least there should be a girl involved?.
I guess, even at this age, i can surmise that i'm only good as "best mate" when there are no other buddies around. Sigh, i'm getting too old for this. I had boyfriends do this to me but it just hurts so much, so unbelievably freaking much out of proportion to what it should compared to that. I guess, i placed too much trust and value to a friendship that i thought was a 2 way street. It's kind of weird being someone's allegedly best mate but "hey, if i'm with work colleagues just don't bother me".
Of course, a simple text: i.e "girl, i am seriously chasing skirt with my mate, getting drunk and partying after work that i have no time to talk" would have been ideal!.
Or even better :" mate, you were bloody annoying the whole trip..for e.g (insert annoying act)..and it could be sorted!
Or perhaps the trip did not go as well as i felt it did. I had fun, i loved it, i miss my buddy because we can talk nerdy fun shit or just be silly or just try anything that may be interesting.
Now, i'm just extremely sad. More than a little bit stressed out with exams, work, Masters and a diploma course. Functioning on no sleep (ruminating too much about what i did wrong or not), no food (been really sick past few days) and just sheer stubbornness. Of course, the upside to that is i may win a bet as i weighed in today at 63.8kg, way down from 66kg last week in Japan. When i am broken-hearted, i just can't eat. I can work, i can be absolutely brilliant at what i do, i can help other people but i cannot sleep, eat or relax.
My new year's resolution was to stay happy, toughen up and no crying. I think i have broken all 3 easily this past week.
Well, i guess the only thing to do is tackle more important stuff. Man, i really truly deeply believed it when my mate said "i'll always have time for you mate". Words just words eh?.
Sigh, well i am really grateful to my mate anyway for being a rock through some hard times. And being kind and honest (i thought) to me. So, no one's perfect. But nothing will be the same because i don't think i have ever had such deep trust in anyone my whole life.
At times like these, just have to go to Bunnings, get some planks, build a bridge and get over it.
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